Now I'm writing a book in my spare time and I was hoping you'd give me some Ideas on how to improve my book. (no comments on my spelling please.)

   There are many ledgends of how we came to be: the most prodominant is the ledgend of the Garden Of Eden.
   Most say Eve eats apple, god wills that they die. However, there's another section to the story: One far older. The section of the bible that was banned. The story of the first vampire.
   The ledgend begins with two brothers, Adolus and Rudelious. God created these men to walk with him in the garden of Eden.
   God left the garden one day and left Aldous with Rudelious, Aldous was always jealous of Rudelious' love of everything around him.
   These men where strong minded and willful, so when Aldous saw how much Rudelious could interact with his environment. Aldous was so jealous that he broke the most sacred of the ten commandments: 'Thou shalt not kill.'
   He took a rock in his hand and smote his brother. Fearfuly he fled the garden,to walk alone for the rest of the life that would only end when the sky itself fell and the oceans boiled.
   God discovered the body of Rudelious and has rage was heard not in the Garden but the world.
   " Here me you vampire! You will wander this planet, killing to live and spreading your disease until you repent to the crime you have committed!" He bellowed etherialy.
   Hearing this Aldous raced off to find his first of many victims that would soon become his army...

RATE THIS BRANCH!