Revelation
"George," the old man said. "George!"
George turned his head sharply and looked at him. "Sorry," he said. "I seem to have drifted off there for a minute."
"You have to keep your concentration, George," the old man said. "If you don't stay focussed, who knows what you might conjure up? You have a vivid imagination, you know."
George shook his head. "Wow. That was weird. For a minute there, all these strange images were running through my head." He paused. "And for some reason, I thought that I had big ears and a forgettable face. And I was some kind of god. The keeper of the word, or something strange like that."
The old man chuckled. "Well, insofar as you use words to create things, then that's as good a description as any. But don't let it go to your head. And that whole "forgettable face" thing, that was just your low self-esteem cropping up. I wouldn't worry about it. Just stay focussed."
George nodded. "So, you were going to explain some things to me."
"Well," the man said, "I'm going to ask you some questions. Your answers will be more revealing than any explanation I could give you."
George sighed. He hadn't realized this was going to be so trying.
"All right," he said. "If that's the way you have to do it."
The old man shifted his position and got comfortable.
"All right, then. To start with, who am I?"
"Who are you?" George frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Exactly that. Who am I?"
"Well, you're the old man I conjured up for that story that I never wrote."
The old man smiled. "Go on."
George struggled to recall the details. "Uh... you were supposed to be some kind of traveler, I think. Someone from... um... an alternate future. Yeah. That was it."
"Good. But who am I?"
George squinted. "I don't know what you mean. I don't think I had a name for you yet, just this whole alternate thing that I wanted to do. I had an idea what you looked like. I modeled you after--"
George stopped dead in his throught-tracks.
The old man smiled. "Now you're getting somewhere."
George let out a long breath. "I based you on me."
The old man nodded.
"You're an alternate-future version of myself."
"Bingo."
George leaned forward and squinted at the old man. Beneath the wrinkles, the resemblance was uncanny. He hadn't noticed it before.
He put his hand to his head.
Oh, boy.
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All together now: "Slacker!""
Anyways now I'm going off on a tangent. Very well written, you put a lot of effort into your craft. I wish I cared as much as you when writing on this site, but to me all this is just a game to hone my skills.
When it comes to real writing, I always edit the draft at least ten times before letting anyone....tangent again.
Great story, I'll post a branch when I get a chance, and don't worry I will care a little."
Agree writing is fantastic. It sort of reminds me a bit of Tom Holt - only better to be honest. Don't know why youre still here Fal because everything you've donme so far is publishable. If you've been sending it off then you've been really unlucky. And if not why not!!!
I know about this, I worked in the book industry for a couple of years.
:)"
However, I can't hold it against you - most times (at least in my case) it takes months before I release something I've written to the public. There's always something to correct in a story. Always.
Good work though. Loving everything so far.""
Although it was my intention to accelerate it to make the character seem desperate enough to do what he did.
Still fairly new to writing, so bear with me and please, don't hesitate to criticize my stories/branches/chapters in detail. It helps me tremendously.
Thanks Pinch :)"
Thanks for your candor."
Otherwise, once it gets going, the tension lifts ncely again, and it's a very tantalising cliffhanger."
Also, there are some odd turns of phrase that stick out awkwardly. Not sure this effort has helped the story."
I appreciated the feedback. Thanks again."
Please continue, Fal, and I'll try to get into your mindset to write another chapter too."
Love the intrusion of the weird into the everyday setting. Great characters being built up too.
:) Intriguing definitley"
There will be more!"
I've book marked the page, and look forward to your next installment :)"