Wayne and Able

Adam was quiet. God was quiet. Eve was quiet.  No one talked for a long time.  Adam tried his best to clean up the garden, but it was difficult for everyone seeing that the garden was just a pile of ashes.  Even the lion would only offer Adam  a meek smile as he sauntered by with Betty and would mutter things under his breath like, "Nice Job, Adam."

Eve was pregnant for seven days and forty nights which God said is the equivalent of nine months. 

Betty the lion talked her through breathing exercises because they both had decided that natural childbirth was the best option at this point.

The delivery was quick and easy, and despite any hard feelings about it being someone else's baby, Adam was good about it.  He figured since he'd burnt down the Garden of Eden and all, he'd best be at least good about it.

And then!  Eve did birth a child.  All the animals gathered around to see what it was, and it was a boy.

"What?", shrieked Adam.

"What?", screamed Eve.

"What?" chimed four hippos in a baritone chorus.

"The baby!", cried Adam.

"The baby?", asked Eve.

"The baby, the baby, the baby", sang the hippos

And a penguin interjected, while playing a bass guitar, "the baby has two heads!"

"Two heads?", asked Eve.

"Well, you're surprised?", asked Adam, "You're the one that screwed the devil."

"Watch your mouth, Adam.", hissed Eve., "At least he brought me flowers."  And it was tense in the smoky, soot covered garden.

So, of course, God appeared, dressed in a trench coat and smoking a fine cigar.

"See?", said God, "See?  This here is whatcha call a 'co-joined' twin.  It's one of my new things.  Whaddya think?"

It was God so of course Adam and Eve could only respond gratefully.

"I like it, well, him, well, them.  I like them", said Eve.,

"Yeah, yeah, me too.", said Adam.

And so they named their new two headed beast son, Wayne and Able and they parented them like any other child.  Of course, after the separation, Adam only had them on weekends. 

Wayne and Able got along famously. 

The penguin would often say, "Boy, you guys are so close it's like you're attached at the hip" and Adam would respond, "Penguin, I'm gonna make sardines out of you" and everyone would laugh.

.  Except for a few toilet training incidents, they were the best of brothers.  Wayne was always a biut more stubborn so the two had to deal with some soiled diapers more often than they wanted.  Both breastfed until they were 12 which caused Eve some concern but that too did pass.  Eventually, they spent their time playing rock, stick, slate and cards and neither one minded that if each peeked at each other's hand.  The co-joined twins enjoyed Tag and Hide and Go Seek like any other brothers and eventually taught themselves a primitive version of Tennis.

But, as they got older, things became a little rockier.  Wayne became a vegetarian and would resent every time Able helped himself to Eve's fried chicken.  Able, on the other hand, liked his beer which drove Wayne crazy because he'd get up with the hangover and have to clean the puke off their shirt.

Thus one day did God come by and did talk to Adam.

"Adam, I have a plan for the people."

Adam thus realized that all these people had been around and he hadn't even noticed where they came from.  But there was Zack and Tiffany and Meghan and all sorts of people just millin' around toiling.  And he had learned not to bother asking.

"OK, God."

"Yeah, tonight I'll appear to you in a dream and let you know."

"Why not just tell me now?"

But God was gone.  After he said, "Adam...puhleeeze"

But Adam did awake thus and thus did Adam call all the people together and separate the men from the women.

And thus, thus, did Adam line up the men and had them pull out their mansheaths and thus that Adam said it was God who appeared in a dream took a rock and beat each man's mansheath until their mansheath fell off and each man winced in return.

And thus did Eve roll her eyes the way that Adam did not like and used that tone that Adam did not like and thus did Eve say, "Adam, what are you doing?"

"Um, Eve, it's a God thing so just leave me alone, ok?"

And thus Eve strode off flipping her hair.

And there, after the last mansheath was neatly stacked into a categorized pile, God appeared quietly behind Adam and tapped him on the shoulder.

 "That's an odd thing you've done Adam"

Adam did nothing.  But look.  At.  God.

" Anyhow sorry I couldn't appear in your dream last night.  Got busy. " 

And then God winkied as is if "Got busy" meant something special.

And Adam was stupefied.  And thus he spaked, "But, you did appear in my dream.  Told me to lop off mansheaths"

"Oh, Adam, you have the craziest dreams!", guffawed God, " Anyhow, nope, that one was all you, there, Sharpshooter",  

Adam looked  at the scores of unsheathed men around him.

"Sounds like you've got some apologizing to do", said God, "anyways, gotta run, meetin Mohammed for some Chess."

The End

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