Apple Cider Hangover

As Adam was walking through the Garden, gathering food for another dinner Party Eve was planning, God appeared beside him.

"Hey, God", said Adam without looking up

"Hey, Adam." said God.

Thus, they both, walked for a while, God with his hands tucked into the pockets of his robe and Adam wringing his.  It was a long, quiet walk which paused every so often while Adam gathered some berries to put into his basket.

"Is something the matter, Adam?", asked God, "I am impotent, ahem, omnipotent,  you know."

"Well, God. I'm lonely.", said Adam, fidgeting some dirt between his toes.

"Lonely, well, what about Eve?", inquired God, his eyebrows furrowing into a look of concern.

"Well, we're fine, but you know.", said Adam looking down at his loins.

"You know what?", asked God.

"You know.", repeated Adam emphatically glancing down at his loincloth.

God was stumped. Despite his omnipotence, he still had a few things to learn about subtle gestures.

"We haven't consumnated!", blurted out Adam anxiously.

"Oh.  That.   You should talk to her."

"God.  That had me thinking.  I mean, if you're a sole creator, why do you need know?", said Adam, glancing down at God's loins.

"Why do I need a what, Adam?", beseeched God with a puzzled look on his face.

"A mansheath!  Why do you need a mansheath?", stressed Adam, "I mean, you're a sole creator, the only one, you don't mate, you create!"

"Oh, that!", chuckled God, "Well, you wouldn't want God to be a woman now would you?"

And Adam laughed out loud for the first time in forty days and God laughed with him and slapped him on the back and thus Adam felt better about misogynsim.

"Adam, there is one thing I should mention",God motioned to some fruit on the ground, "These apples are rotten.  They're no good.  You and Eve should stay away from these apples."

Adam didn't pay any attention to God's warning and spent the rest of the day gathering enough food for forty animals and Eve.  Eve always made a special menu when she invited herbivores over, especially camels as they were strictly vegetarian and tended to be insulted when presented meat.

The night, as had turned to be the norm, was especially raucous.  The racoons took turns pretending to be narwhales to everyone's delight.  Even the narwhales laughed, slapping their tails on the shore and snorting. 

Adam was tired,  He had spent ten and four hours harvesting fruits and berries, hunting and gathering firewood.  then he had to cook.  So, tired as he was, he was still able to give his beloved a wink with a motion to retire alongside him.

"What?", asked Eve, who was clearly tipsy, "You want to go to bed with me?"

And then she spit her drink out her nose from laughter.

"Let me guess,", said Adam, tired and full of nothing but self loathing "You wouldn't be with me if I was the last man on Earth."

"Bah!  Don't be such a Drama Queen!", said Eve, while tickling a drunken koala.

Adam turned to leave, as always, by himself.

"Adam!", yelled Eve after him, "Come here!  Don'r be such a party pooper!"

So it was that Adam's spirits were lifted the way that a man fools himself into thinking there's a chance when there is none.  And so Adam did return to Eve. 

And so Eve said unto Adam,

"Try this!", and handed him a glass.

Adam took a long sip and it was good.  It had the distinct bite of strong alcohol but the sweetness of a tasty drink.

"It's good.  What is it?", asked Adam

"Apple Cider!  I made it myself!", boasted Eve before stumbling over a rock.

Adam spit the drink out in dismay. 

"Apple Cider!", he said

"Listen, Adam, we have to talk", said Eve.

Thus Adam did fall silent and was shocked at the apple cider but further shocked when Eve spaked again.

"Look.  I'm seeing somebody.  And I'm pregnant.", said Eve matter of factly.

Thus Adam did raise an eyebrow and did look at Eve as though he had been smitten with ridicule.

"Get out", said Adam and he did look dejected.

"No, Adam, I'm sorry.  I know you've got the love thing for me, but you just don't cut it with me.  I needed a bad boy.  And then Snake came along.  The guy's some biceps on him Adam.  Some wicked tattoos.  And the most adorable lisp. I'm supposed to go meet him later.  I felt it was only fair to tell you.", said Eve. 

And did Adam then promise to watch the fire whilst the love of his life went to be with another man.  Thus did obviously Adam knock back enough apple cider to get notoriously drunk.

And it was the next mornnig that God arrived to find Adam curled up naked in a Garden of Eden that had burnt to the ground.


The End

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