Jonah and the Whale

"A job for me?!" Adam was, once again, excited to finally do something for God besides write this long ridiculous story for him, and be laughed at for asking stupid questions.

"Yeah, see, I'm gonna need you to get swallowed by a whale."

"A whale? Like, a real one?"


"I have to get swallowed by it?"

"Yeah. And just sit there for a few days, then I'll save you."

"Um... Why?"

"Because, Adam, I want the other people to know that I'm kind and forgiving, and that I'll save them from dire situations like being swallowed by whales."

"But you don't save people from things like that, do you?"


"Then why do you want them to think you will?"

"What did I tell you about questions, Adam."

"I'm sorry God, I just really can't see the point of this. I sit in the belly of a whale for a few days, bored, just waiting for you to save me, and for what? So everyone thinks I'm an idiot and you're a hero?"

"I am a hero," said God reasonably.

"Well.... " Adam started to argue, but God cut him off.

"You don't want to do it, do you, Adam?"

"Not really."


Adam was confused by this statement.

"Okay Adam," said God. "I'll tell you what."

"What?" Adam asked, hoping he was off the hook for this whole whale-being-swallowed-by thing.

"You don't have to be swallowed by the whale."


"Now just write the story and SAY you did it, and quit whining about me not making sense unless you want to actually do all this crazy sh*t."

The End

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