Outside Lot's door the wailing rose to a steady howl as scores of jacked up men shuffled their way, surrounding the house.  Men licked their lips and tore at each other, trying to beat down the door with engorged appetites.

Inside, Meghan shrieked as another mansheath poked it's way through the door and Tiffany backed into a corner covering her mouth with her hands, "What's going on, Lot?"

Lot could only tell the truth.  He was in over his head.  "They want to sex you!"

Tiffany's eyes were like vanilla cupcakes.  "All of them?"

"Yes!," Lot was beating at mansheaths with a broom, "All of them"

Tiffany looked at Meghan and giggled."What do ya think, Megs?"

"Well, not all of them, that'd be a little much"

"Well, what about that one?."Tiffany was pointing at a particularly ornery sheath.

"Oh, yeah, definitely that one"

Lot swatted at that sheath harder than the rest and turning his head back in horror, declared, "What about God?"

Meghan put her hands on her hips.  "Well, for one, Lot, he's a forgiving God, OK?  And secondly, he's way old"

Lot had to think fast.  This was all his doing.  Standing towards the door he cupped his hands and yelled at the throng outside, "Wait!  I have two virgin daughters you can have instead!"

"What?", snapped Meghan.

"Really", Tiffany looked at Lot in disgust.

"It's not true.  I'm just making that up".  Adam was hissing.

"Still,"  Tiffany was tapping her foot.

"I know!", said Meghan, "that was a suitably wierd thing to say"

Lot stammered and leaned on the broom.

Meghan waved her hand in Lot's face, "Why not just tell them that God's coming and we're his girlfriends, jackass?

Lot had no chance to respond.  Dirt came spraying from the floor in a fountain of flying dust.  God came bursting through the floor feet first, like he was peddling a bicycle.

"Holy jumpin', ooooooooh, Adam, I'm a so mad, I think I'm just gonna, gonna, well, I think I might just spit!"

Lot quaked.  

"Don't you bother quaking!  Do you know how many butts out there are fornicating?  Well, I'll give you a clue!  Thirty two thousand four hundred and thirty five!  Seven days ago the population here was sixty.  Do you have any idea how this makes me feel?"

Lot wasn't sure if the question was rhetorical.

"Babypie," said Tiffany, rubbing God's back.

"Honeymuffin", cooed Meghan, "Don't be all like that."

"Adam, have you ever heard of a Disco Inferno?"

Tiffany whispered in Meghan's ear, "I thought his name was Lot!"

"I know, this is getting too wierd.  Let's get out of here!"

"Fine!", God's voice was a torrential downpour, "But heed this, Papa says don't look back!"

And God did then make a parting through the sex zombies outside and thus did Meghan and Tiffany run as fast as Meghan and Tiffany could in heels while holding hands.  And thus did God start to become enraged and blow sh*t up whilst did Lot cower in the corner.  And shouldst then Eve be saved and Seth and the big ape with the gong who God found comical.

And lo!  Meghan, did, of course as anyone who's been told not to look back, look back, and did catch God's eye, who turned Meghan into a pillar of salt.

And thus did Lot inquire, "What?"

And God did say, "It's an inside joke, Lot" and thus did God whisper, "wouldn't swallow"

And Adam made his way back to the Godcave while the whole place burned and everyone died and Adam was like, whatever, and did ask God, "Where did you think of the names Sodom and Gomora?"

And thus did God say, "Adam, now's not a good time to talk to me"

And thus did Adam think, "Sounds more like Goddammed Somora" but he did not giggle.

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Author guidance for This story

Dear God,

It`s all tongue in cheek. If you're going to read this, and you're devout to the point of sensitive, don't read it because you'll probably (i) not get the humour (ii) be offended (iii) tell us why we're going to Hell for writing it. None of which is worth the time spent.

HOWEVER....

This is a collaboration of Sister Rac7hel Farrell, head Sister of Our Lady Spooforific, and I, with a hilarious guest spot by the extremely talented Tasha Noble.

It's on hold right now for editing, while we finish up our version of Twilight, found here....

http://www.protagonize.com/story/twit

This story, after watching people, and groups, under the name of Jesus, or God, act in every way possible in vain of the nature of both, has been the one I've always wanted to write. So, please do not add, as given this guidance, I'd be forced to make the most unkind request of Nick to delete it.

updated Jul 19 '10 by smac972