Diary of a Troll Trainer - Day 11

Hi Diary!

Guess what?! I haven’t slept! Well, I did a little but not that much because after I last wrote in you, I had to wait for the next patrol and then for my turn for being on patrol to end and the orc that was supposed to replace me didn’t wake up on time. They do that a lot when they’re on the second part of guard duty. I think only got to sleep a few hours but the funny thing is that I don’t feel tired!

I think that’s what being smart does to you. It makes you stronger and not need sleep! I did feel a little tired during the night but after some marching and feeling like I was sleep walking, I started feeling really… energetic! That’s a good word! I don’t know where it came from, though. It felt weird but I think this is what it feels like when you feel yourself get smarter. Up until now I thought I got smarter when I was sleeping after writing here… but maybe I was wrong. Or maybe I’m just getting smarter more powerfully!

Speaking of powerfully’s , Princeton did something really strong today too! He’s making a name for himself and I’m really proud of him! I think there’s hope for him yet. All the other orcs were saying he’s a ‘promising’ troll… and not like they say it when they want to eat troll for dinner too! They said that if he keeps doing stuff like this they might even get the Metalworker orcs to make him some armor and maybe even a sword! I think a club would be better than a sword though. He seems more like a club troll than a sword troll. George was a sword kind of troll but he never really got to have one… Oh! But there was one troll who had a whip though! I think his name was Binky. I’m not sure but his trainer realized that Binky was good with whips during practice when he pulled his training whip out of his hands and then whipped the trainer to death! See… that’s why I don’t use whips or proddy tools too much for training. Trolls are stupid but they can still take your proddy things and prod you back with them. They don’t even need tools for that, either. A lot of young trolls are known to pull arms off and beat other orcs to death with their own body parts! I never could figure out if they died of blood loss of clobbering though… Can you die of two things at once?

Oh wait! I didn’t tell you what Princeton did yet! Ok, so we were marching along the path Golomut said was the right one when we found a cold lava flow blocking our path. In case you didn’t know, that stuff is like lava rivers but faster and not hot at all. Its actually kind of cold. It’s called water. We orcs even drink it sometimes! And sometimes it falls out of the sky too! I’ll tell you about how weird water is later. Anyways, Princeton knocked down a tree so that the entire marching band could cross without getting wet!

Getting wet is bad for your armor… plus, too much water, especially the really blue type, is bad for orcses. It makes our skin turn sand colored from its healthy black.

But you know what? And I don’t think anyone else saw this which is good – but the only reason that Princeton did this is because I threw his bone to the other side while the rest of the orc horde were trying to figure out how to get across without getting too wet. So, I don’t think he did it because he wanted to help. He just wanted his bone but the good thing is that he’s really strong. I think that being that strong is good, especially if you’re that crazy.

Oh and did I tell you? I had Wakey Beans! Remember how I said that I was feeling tired and that marching made me feel better? That was only half true. Golomut saw me sleep marching and said that because I had volunteered for Scorcher time guard duty instead of being picked I could eat a few of the Wakey Beans. He said he didn’t want a good guard orc and troll trainer getting trampled and eaten for dinner! I think he was really happy with Prineton. More than the guard duty thing but Wakey Beans are Wakey beans and I ate them all!

I don’t think you know what Wakey Beans are Diary. They’re good and really bitter! Bitter is good… food tastes best like that! Anyways, they’re tiny beans that are all brown and it’s a little rare. I think the Whiteskins from the East bring the beans with them when they come to Mordor. They bring lots of it! I’ve also heard rumors that all the un-nameable Generals in the Big Towers make potions with the Wakey beans. Its supposed to be a special potion that they drink every Scorcher Down that the rumor giving orcses say, give them longer life and makes them stronger. Don’t tell anyone but I think the potion is supposed to be called a ‘Kupa’.

Anyways, did I tell you where I am? I’m on guard duty again! I’m up in a tree again too! The Scorcher feels really hot today too… and really bright. The shade doesn’t help too much… but for some reason I don’t feel as bad as I think I’m supposed to think I feel. You know… that sounded really smart. I think too much because I just stopped to read it again and I don’t think I understand it. Does that mean I got smarter and then lost it? Does the Scorcher do that to you? If it does, I should stop volunteering for guard duty or at least take the second guard post… but then I wouldn’t have time to write to you! I think my head hurts from having too many thoughts there… Also, there are a lot of birds calling to each other. Funny thing is, I don’t see any nearby. That’s good though. I don’t want any of them coming near me. Stupid birdses…

My head is hurting more now Diary. I think I’ll stop now… I hope my guard replacement orc comes on time today. I think I want to sleep now… but my eyes are saying it isn’t needed… so I don’t know. I don’t think its good when body parts don’t listen to your head.

Good night Diary.

The End

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