Author' Note: On a folded piece of paper in the depth of my notebook suitcase [suitcase. I'm not kidding], I found this. It was dated from the summer of 2008. I just think that there are some signs you cant ignore.
You can't run away, I've learned that. You think that by leaving one place you can escape the depression. But you can't. The hurt is inside you. Just because you leave the place it happened doesn't change that it did in fact happen. And it seems like when you run away the past just follows you until you have all this shit trailing behind you and it's nearly impossible to get rid of it. So in my experience at least, running away doesn't work.
That what I told my dear aunt pat when she told me she wants to move away and start over somewhere new. She hasn't been the same since her husband died, though who can blame her? But I told her that you can't just up and leave and expect your problems to throw you a farewell party. They are going to pack up bags of their own and expect you to carry them too. That's a lot of extra bags. Especially if you happen to have a lot of problems.
You can't change the past. You can't change what you did or said or what someone else did or said to you. You can't go back, and even if you could, would you truly want to? The things that happened to us or because of us are the things that make us who we are. Going back and changing even the smallest thing will change the biggest things. To quote one of my favorite movies, aka The Butterfly Effect, you can't change who people are without destroying who they were.
I think what I'm trying to get at is this: life is so short. Too short. Yeah it's hard. Really hard sometimes. But it is so beautiful. So beautiful. I know I'm the first to preach how pointless it is, but things happen along the way that make it seem worthwhile. I think living is a choice. I think that you have to make it count. You have to choose to make the most of it. A life without any joy or beauty is no life at all. Wandering aimlessly is a waste of time. Loving and giving and taking what you get- I think that's the point of life.