The jump was not a good idea.

As I floated gracefully through the air, the wind whipping through my hair, time slowed. If not for the urgent tug of gravity, it would have been serene. I thought I had finally escaped.

But then I hit the ground with the force of a thousand horses and it did not budge.

As my spirit floated from my body, I realized the terrible truth. I had not escaped. I had not escaped the world; I was just experiencing it in a different way. Worse yet, I had not escaped myself; I still felt the weight of all my thoughts.

Guilt, remorse, depression, fear, loathing.

I wondered, is this hell? Forced to keep company with myself with no outlet or means of communicating with the outside world. My God, I’ve made a terrible mistake.

“Either that or you did the only thing a reasonably sane person on this planet could do,” said an unexpected disembodied voice.

“Who are you?” I asked, timidly.

“I’m Goethe, your rehabilitation officer. I’m here to help you find nirvana.

“Rehabilitation officer?”

“Rehabilitation is the process of disengaging you with everything,” Goethe explained. “Your will. Your survival instinct – you have a real head start there. Thoughts. Identity. Guilt. Fear. You see, only the most enlightened attempt suicide. It’s the only way to escape reincarnation.”

“Slow down! I’m a Christian. I don’t believe any of this.”

“Oh, I see. Christians are always the toughest to convince. Surprisingly, we get plenty of ‘em here in Purgatory.”

“The Catholics were right?”

“Spoken like a true Protestant, but there’s no point in explaining that Catholics are Christians because none of it matters. That’s what you need to understand. It’s not a matter of being right or wrong. It’s a matter of letting go and embracing reality.”

“What’s reality?”

“I’m glad you asked that. Let’s see. Where do I begin?” A copy of Reality for Dummies popped out of thin air. “Let’s see, the fundamental law of the universe is disestablishment: you simply must let go.”

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