now itMature


I was happy. But the room was getting crowded and boring, like always lol. “Hey, I’m going to go walk the sand,” I told my cousin, Alyssa. She nodded, my keeper apparently, and continued talking with Abby, one of my many other cousins.

I saw Solomon, my brother, and my dad arm wrestling. Solomon won, obviously. “Solomon, you’re such a beast!” Abby exclaimed, because that was his nickname. Alex laughed and slapped him a high five, asking for a turn. ‘To fail,’ I thought.

I opened the screen door, and smiled when the white frame creaked, it always had. Everything about this was my home, were my longings. Well, sort of; this was my grandmother’s yacht stationed on the coast of Myrtle Beach.

I walked my leisurely pace up the dock and down to the shop-side beach. This vacation was awesome, but it was more like a reunion because everyone somehow related to me was here. I wasn’t complaining though, Abby had brought her oh-so-hot boyfriend, Foster Carney, along with Alex, his funny, spontaneous brother.

I took my time, we were docking off late in the afternoon to see the sunset and go snorkeling. I was really looking forward to seeing just how ripped Foster was.

People wearing large floppy hats occasionally passed me with dripping ice creams. I’d get to the side and smile and they’d sometimes smile uncertainly back. My grandparents had finally carried out on their dream to move to the beach. So here we were because the beach is so popular, and because my grandfather's a fish-fanatic. 

I nodded to the saxophone guy that played every evening under the night lights.

I always loved to watch him feed the gulls. He stayed so still in the day that birds perched up on his arms and people jumped when he moved because they thought he was a statue like the ones around him in the park.

When he saw me, he started walking and we met in the middle by the fountain.

I sat down beside him on a brick wall and he picked up his instrument and started playing.

It was then that I started wondering just what it was that made something yours. My family belonged to me by blood, something that could never be broken, I knew.

I guess I was wrong, blood tythes can be broken, by death. The most unsettling thing to me now, is to have something you know, be changed. I hate change, that's something that won't ever change. Because I always have and always will, even death can't rob me of that trait.

A bad omen? I looked at him; he never played at this time. Such melancholy notes made their way out into the open streets, I stared out, charmed, into nothing. It was as if giving he was giving me sympathy, I thought idly. As if I needed it, he was the street player one.

Another question popped into my head, what decided the need for sympathy? What quality of life made one pity?

Dang! I thought, I'm on a role with all this philosophy stuff!

I wondered about that, and how long I’d been here too. But that was just a flame of my mind's fire of contemplation. Strange, usually when time felt this stretched Alyssa would come yell for me and we’d race along the sand until one of us slipped on the fine grains. It was almost always her, because, I'm the athletic one. 

When the sun started reaching for the horizon, I started jogging back to the dock. I was so far away from it, less than a mile but I could see it as clear as day. I reeled at the grief I was going to get, and how far I had walked unconsciously.

 The ocean was thrashing as if hell were upon it. Then I saw what the boat was doing. It boat was floating out into the ocean. Then it was track meet and I was that crazy Jamaican dude in the 2008 Olympics.

I was conscious of the blood pumping loudly through my ears, adrenaline coursing threw my veins, making every sound crystal clear, and my vision etched sharp.

Then I heard the screaming and I wondered where it was coming from. I swung my head every way, panting, the yelling suddenly silent. No one was coming out of their houses, peeking through their windows, or least of all, screaming.

If anything, it seemed like this part of the deserted beach was just that, completely deserted.

It was me and the world was deprived of sound. I was the only human for miles I think. Grrr, where was everyone? “Help! Yo!” I yelled. But no one was around; the streets had been deserted as quickly as the tide comes in. Gradually, unnoticed and routine.

By the time I got to the dock, the boat had become blurry against the fading horizon and the sea had become angry.  Why had no one noticed this, I thought, they can’t be that into conversation to not notice that they’re floating away into dangerous waters.


The boat blew up, firing bits of material everywhere out into the ocean. Smoke rose endlessly into the bloody sky, a great mass of fire burning under the black.

It took me about five minutes to process what I had heard and was seeing, as others would’ve reacted instantly. God help them! I thought, partly dumb-founded.

But what else could I do? The other option would be to lose it right then and there, which knew I was close to doing anyway.

I was pitiful, helpless. My family could be dying and I didn’t know how to swim. I should've taken Mom up on those lessons damn it! Suddenly I couldn’t hear and I staggered back as sound left me in a rush.  I fell backwards to the dusty wood beneath my feet.

I will hope, I told myself relentlessly. It's all I have left. All I have left, alone....

Something then wrenched inside me, tearing what was left of me apart, leaving nothing. Sadness stronger than love overcame me and my head fell back, my body going completely limp. I hated something, but I didn’t quite know what at the moment.

That's when I understood, one thing at least that I knew. If my family were ok, I wouldn't feel like this, I would know, somehow.

My mind grappled with this theory, like the angel and the devil on my shoulders, there were two sides to the war raging inside my head like a storm cloud.

You're over-reacttin, they will be ok....Why are you kidding yourself you weak little bitch! Only a coward dedicated to love would think that....

It was something we never realized, once you were happy within others, love had the power to destroy you. And I don't mean kill you, but a fate worse than death I now know. A destany to be forever in pain and guilt and sorrow. It could make you brake or shun people, your choice.

My fingers grabbed at my ears, trying to open up my hearing again. After a couple seconds, I became aware of a sticky liquid dripping down from above my eyes. Blood.

I didn’t dare touch the wound to make it worse, that was probably a really stupid assumption though, and my vision got really blurry.

It was all disorienting after the hyper-aware senses the adrenaline had given me.

I licked my lips to find the saltiness of ghostly tears silently stealing their way down my face that was now too pale.

Why was I crying again? 

Was I dead? No, I was still breathing. I listened to the sound of my breathing, in, out. While I cried I wondered what was so important about death that two opposites like fire and water would work together to create such ugly sorrow.

I had thought the elements were supposed to be spiritual, not hateful. Too many opposites ran in endless circles around in my skull.

Then I realized that I didn’t hear a pulse. That familiar sound of the heart beating was gone. I stood up as hearing came back to me slowly.

Without, a pulse, without a family I loved, they were my heart....gone....the only living beings without hearts were demons, Alyssa said. Beings without love, no good....

I saw the flashing lights before I heard the sirens. The trucks got there and immediately did their job. No one came to me for several minutes. I didn’t notice them hardly, and they most certainly did not care about me.

Nice timing, I thought bitterly. Come after there's no hope. 

I looked over the dock and spit; it was scarlet. Blood, and I hadn’t even realized it. I had bit my lip too far. Pain became shockingly aware in my body.

I ached all over, especially my head, I tried to release my lip, but my teeth wouldn't let go. So I stood there, letting my blood drip back into the earth.

However I did notice when I was grabbed and put forcibly into a police.

I don’t know how long I screamed and struggled until they knocked me out.

Pitiful really.



The End

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