As I look at her now, I can see she is hurt. The worst part is, I wish I could say I felt a little better about what she did to me. Kissing all those other girls, and calling her out like that but, I dont. If anything I feel worse. "Airee, wait!" I called out to her. My heart and adrenaline going into over drive as the thought of her being mad at me, sunk in. "Look, I'm sorry, okay?"
"Just leave me alone!" she yelled, and kept walking. I watched as she went to Kali's door, and pulled. The door was locked. In an act of frustration, she kicked the tire. I didnt move.
Seconds passed like minutes as she eventually turned, and her stark green eyes caught mine. My breath catching, my lungs failing, as I struggled inside myself for air. "What?" I finally managed to ask. Somewhere in the distance of my thoughts, she had said something, and I had missed it.
"I said, are you hard at hearing? Leave me alone!"
"Oh," I whispered, and then thought maybe I was. Still I hadn't moved.`
In that moment it started to rain. At first it was just a light drizzle, but then it took on a sense of fierceness much like the kind I was receiving from her. I watched her shift uncomfortably against the car. Even now, through the storm, I could see she was crying. Her sweater quickly became saturated with the rain, and her once freshly straightened hair (an act, probably forced by Kali, and her undying sense to make everyone look they way she wants them too) was now beginning to frizz and curl back into its normal wavy appearance.
"I'm sorry," I repeated, after a few more drawn out seconds. "I acted like an ass to you back there, and I shouldn't have."
I let my words fill the air, and as time ticked on, I wondered briefly if she had heard me at all. "Airee, please-"
"You left," she finally said. Her eyes now attentively locked on mine. Her words themselves ice cold much like this rain. I shifted not knowing what to say. I wasn't an idiot, I knew we were no longer talking about what happened back there.
"You left Hayden, no Airee anything. Did you even think that maybe if you had thought to talk to me about it, then we wouldn't be in this mess?"
"Of course I did, but would it of mattered?" I said. Airee, after that, pushed herself form the car and started back to the house. "I saw you two," I continued, and then followed after her.
"You saw what you wanted to see!" She quickly interrupted me.
"Hey," I yelled, and took her wrist. Forcing her to turn around and look at me then. "Are you seriously going to deny the fact that I watched you kiss him back?"
Airee didn't respond then. She just glared up at me, her eyes revealing the truth. "That's why I left." I said then, and brushed passed her. My heart was racing, my mind staggering to find someway to take back what I had just seen.
"So I kissed him?" Her voice stopped me. I turned around then, and looked at her. She was smiling, though she seemed unsure. "Is that what you want to hear?" She laughed, and her eyes shifted to something off in the distance, but I held my gaze. "How are you going to get mad at me, when you just did the same thing with twenty other girls tonight?"
"I wasn't about to go on a date with them, that's how!"
"Ah, right!" she continued to laugh. "There's always a catch."
"A catch?" I yelled then. "What the hell do you mean catch?"
It was then, her eye came back to me. "What I mean is, that no matter what I would have done, who I would have kissed back or not, we would never have worked!"
"And why is that?" I shot back immediately, curious as to where she was going with this. "Because you realized you would rather be with him?"
"No," she said then. Hesitating to continue, but did, "Because no matter what, you would have found a way to keep us apart." She paused. "Because deep down, you are still the guy that would rather have sex with their ex, than be with someone who really cares about them."
At first, I didn't say a word. Just stood there and stared out at her, and tried to find something to say, but couldn't. All I could think about was the fact that, my entire time of knowing Airee, she had never been one to hold a grudge. She had never been one to get mad or believe something about someone that wasn't good, because deep down she could always see the good in people. "You're right." I smiled and forced myself to look away. The only though I had at the moment, the one a place where Airee could never see me as anything more than the person of my past. "At least, now I don't have to hide it anymore. This horrible person you think I am." The words slipped my lips before I had the sense to pull them back.
"I'm done Hayden," was all she said. "I cant do whatever this is anymore, and I'm tired of your games."
After that, I watched as she turned around and walked away. Only this time, she wasn't walking toward the direction of the house, but somewhere beyond it. When she was out of sight, I took a well needed breath, and pushed a hand through my hair. "Shit!" I yelled the word aloud, and threw my hand down, and kicked the curb. Why am I such a screw up, I asked myself. Single handedly, I just pushed the one person in this entire world that meant the most to me, away. It was no ones fault but my own.
Once I was back inside, I went upstairs and collapsed along Gavin's bed. "Hey, you?" A voice broke the silence moments later. It was Gavin. I didn't move. "I heard you and Airee got into it, you okay?"
I mumbled and rolled over, and onto my back. "If I said yes, would you believe me?" I tried.
I sighed. "Then no, I'm not okay."
"Want to know what I think?" Gavin asked, but even I could hear it wasn't truly a question. "I think she loves you too."
"Ha." I laughed aloud, and then sat up. "Okay, you're drunk."
"I haven't had a sip, and I'm not joking."
Confused, I thought briefly maybe she had called him after leaving me in the street. "Did she say something about it-"
"No," Kyle's voice cut through the room, in a sigh. I could tell at first he was hesitant. Probably not sure whether or not, I'd jump up and start fighting him over what happened the other night. But, I didn't move, and so he continued. "I told him that, and she didn't have to say anything for me to know, its true."
"Listen to him Hayden before you do anything." Gavin's voice was there as a blockage between the two of us. Between Kyle and I.
I rolled my eyes then, and motioned for him to take a seat. "If I was going to hurt him, I would have done it by now. Trust me, I'm not in the mood."
"I can tell, whatever happened, it was bad." Gavin sighed. "Which means, Airee-"
"Airee wants nothing to do with me anymore." I interrupted.
"Look, you need to get over whatever poor me situation you've got going on here." Kyle finally said. "The girl loves you, man. That night, after I dropped her off, she practically said so herself. And I don't know what you said to her tonight but, knowing Airee, whatever it was, she will forgive you if you just tell her the truth."
"The truth?" I laughed. "The truth is, you kissed her after knowing how I felt. And then, now, you have the nerve to sit here and tell me what I should do?"
"Yes, Hayden I did, and Iam because I want her to be happy." he said. "She, of all people deserves it!"
There was a long pause after that, where the three of us just sat there and stared at nothing in particular. Every ounce of me wanted to jump across this room and hurt Kyle the way he hurt me, but I knew that wouldn't solve anything. Airee had changed me in that way, before, I wouldn't have cared about what was right or wrong. "So, what are you going to do then?" Gavin was the first to ask the question aloud we were all thinking. His phone buzzing in his pocket at the same time.
"I don't know." I said in earnest. "I just don't know."