"I'm so sorry," Camilla says as she rushes towards me. Her arms are spread out in preparation for a hug. I don't want her sympathy, though. I don't want anyone's sympathy. The fact that they suddenly seem so guilty just makes me want to punch a wall or two.
She's only an inch or two away from me now. Without thinking, I shove her away a little too hard. Stumbling backwards, she collides with Amy and both of them almost fall over. Amy grabs Camilla by the arm, steadying her.
Feeling slightly guilty, I stand in the middle of the alley and cross my arms tightly over my chest. My face contorts with a mixture of anger and sadness; the anger due to my so-called friends and their pity party and the sadness from the resurfaced memories of my mother. 'I miss her so much...'
Truth be told, my mother was the only female I've actually loved. She was so nice and caring... She looked right over all my mistakes, right past my differences. She only saw me for the good of me. My father was the complete opposite. After she died, he developed a bad addiction to drugs and alcohol. He also started hitting me.
"Look, I didn't mean to upset you!" Camilla tells me, her voice loud and desperate. The tone in her voice snaps me out of my thoughts and back to reality. I clench my fists, biting the inside of my lip to keep from crying. Elliot and Amy simply stare at the two of us, unsure of what to do or say.
Not thinking, I quickly spin around on my heels and stomp off, down the alley and back towards the rest of the street. I throw one last glance over my shoulder; not at Camilla or Amy, but at Elliot.
'I wish I could bring you with me,' I think silently, staring into his blue eyes before turning my gaze back to the street.
I make my way around the corner and down the street, taking my time walking around. My plans were to go back home and relax until my family came home. Since dad didn't get home from work until 4:00 and my brothers rode the bus home, nobody would notice that I arrived early.
It didn't take long for my plans to be changed.
"Hey, Ryder!" A voice calls from behind me. There were heavy footsteps and the repeated thump of a backpack, as if someone was running. Recognizing the voice, I turn to face Elliot. I'm surprised that someone bothered to catch up to me so fast; even more so that it's Elliot.
I force myself to put a smile on my face as he skids to a halt directly in front of me. He still looks rather worried, his blue eyes staring into my own brown ones. I swear, if I didn't know better I'd think he was reading my mind.
"Hi," I mumble, my face reddening slightly. He was so close to me, his attention all mine. It'd be the perfect time to come out and tell him that I loved him.
'No,' I tell myself, biting down harder on my lip until I can taste blood. 'You can't tell him. You can't.'
"You don't really... seem well," he observes, his stare moving from my eyes to the rest of my body. "I'm really sorry about your mom."
He pauses for a moment, studying me and then our surroundings.
"How about we get something to eat?" He suggests, pointing his finger to a small deli shop on the other side of the street.
Unsure of how to respond, I stand there with my mouth hanging half-open. I try to shake my head clear, but it doesn't work. Swallowing hard, I nod.
As I follow him across the street, I try and clean up my act a little. If I'm not careful, Elliot might realize exactly how I feel about him.