Cassidy Raine Enly is the typical teenage girl. This is just her story.
“Watch it freak.”
I glare at the tall, brown haired, brown eyed girl who just shoved me into a bus. It was an everyday thing. I never do anything to her, we just so happen to come out of the same building at the same time and are heading for the same bus, every single day. Her name is Tarra Bossel and she is sixteen years old. We were best friends a few years ago. We did everything together and had many nights staying up late giggling together. All that changed when we began to like the same guy, Josh Bowing. He picked me, and then her. My heart was crushed and I became secluded. I barely speak to anyone and I’m known as a bitch or a freak.
My name is Cassidy Raine Enly and I’m seventeen years old. I live with my father in a typical house. I’m a typical teenage girl. I have blond hair and green eyes. I’m a little on the short side, standing at about five feet and one inch. My body is skinny, but strong. I had lived with my grandparents until I was ten years old and then I moved in with my father, and that was when I met Josh. We did the puppy love flirting for about years and then started calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. He picked Tarra when I was fifteen and I never heard from him again.
Every day I sit behind them on the bus. It’s not so I can put myself through hell, or so I can spy, or so I can ruin them. It’s just the only open seat on the bus. They always kiss and whisper sweet nothings and joke around. Their relationship is full of smiles and giggles. I’m happy for them. I truly am. Tarra and I used to be close and I would never wish bad things on her. I of course still care for Josh. I have never gotten over him and I may never will.
As I put my ear buds in I notice that they are sitting with space between them. Josh’s eyes look hard and Tarra’s cheeks are flushed, as if she’s been crying. I ignore it and stare out the window. The bus rumbles to life and we pull out in line with all the other yellow machines. About ten minutes into the ride Tarra turns around. I sit up, startled and pull my ear buds out. It’s then that I realize Josh isn't in the seat with her anymore. I casually look around for him and see him sitting with his best friend Todd Seruine.
Todd’s seventeen and such a sweet heart. He and I were really close when I was with Josh and he had had a crush on me since I moved here. We never had a chance to make anything happen since after Josh left me I cut off contact with all of Josh’s friends.
“Cassidy, Josh would want you to have this.” I pick up resentment in her voice, but I take the paper she's handed me. On it are 9 numbers.
She turns back around and I stare at the paper. My hand begins to shake as I realize that it’s Josh’s phone number. I knew it by heart. I lean further up and watch as Tarra hold her face in her hands and her shoulders shake. She must be crying. Josh remains in Todd’s seat and never looks back to Tarra. They must have broken up. They did that at least once a month, though I have never been given his phone number. I ignore it and crumple the paper up, tossing it on the ground. What would I want with his number?
Soon the bus comes to my stop and I get up of the seat and walk the short distance to the door. When I get off, I turn to watch the bus pull away, but instead, another person gets off.
“Hey Cassi!” he says happily.
I glare and turn to leave, but Josh falls into step with me. “Josh, can I help you?” I ask as rudely as I can. My stomach was jumping into my throat and my heart was pounding. I felt my hands turn clammy and I’m sure I was pale.
He nods. “Yes. I would like to have a civil conversation with you. But, I would like you to refrain from throwing objects and for tones to be kept civil.” A smirk plays on his lips and he sounds very sarcastic.
“Well. OK. But in return, I'd like to know why you’re talking to me in the first time in 5 months.” I reply, matching the sarcasm.
He chuckles. When I get no response I continue walking down the hill to my house. Josh runs ahead and gets in front of me, causing me to have to stop walking.
“Is your dad home?” He asks.
I’m tempted to say yes, knowing that would make him leave me alone, but as I look up in his green eyes I cave and reply, “No.”
His familiar grin spreads across his face. “Let me come over. I won’t make any passes. Please?”
Again, I hesitate. “Why?” I whine.
“Because, I need to talk to you.” He brushes my blond bangs from my face his touch making me shiver involuntary. It makes my knees weak, and the butterflies in my stomach grow. I hate how he does that. I nod and he smiles again. We continue down the hill, him keeping his distance and not speaking.
We get to my house and I pause on the porch. I’m tempted to stay outside and talk to him there, but our eyes meet and I cave again. He could always do that to me without even trying. I unlock the front door and grab the note my dad left me on the stairs. I quickly go up the steps and drop my things by the kitchen. He follows and I fall on the couch.
Josh remains standing and I cross my arms as I stare up at him. I can feel that my eyes and mouth are set hard.
“Cassi?” he asks.
Our eyes catch each other. Mine are bright green, and his matching. He leans down to my level and catches my hands in his large grasp. “Please, listen to me.”
I'm fully ready to melt into whatever he says. No matter how angry I may be at him, I was still in love. Even after he left me and didn’t speak to me I would do whatever he asked. Even still, I pull strength from deep down and stand up, causing him to step back. “No. No, no, no, no.” I repeat.
“Yes?” he offers.
I laugh sarcastically and shake my head, causing my dirty blonde hair to fall loose from the sloppy pony tail it’s been in all day. “Josh. You are Tarra’s. You chose her over me and it will be like that forever. I have given up and I don’t know what you are trying to do here, but it won’t work. So leave before you do something stupid. This will already have me torn up and as you walk out of my house and down my driveway I will cry. Leave now.”
He listens to my rant silently. Once I'm done he steps toward me and wraps his strong arms around me and pulls me to his tall, muscular self. His mouth goes to my ear and he whispers, “I broke up with her Cassi. Tarra and I are no longer.”
I melt in his embrace against my will and my thoughts get fuzzy. I vaguely nod, and breathe in his scent. It’s so familiar. When he and I were together, everyone always noted how I smelled like him a lot. The smell is like home.
“I'm sorry for what I did to you Cassi. I was wrong. I want you back.” His voice gets huskier and huskier as he goes on. “I miss you. I miss everything about you. I miss how you smell, how you feel, hearing your opinionated as hell thoughts, the looks you give me from across the room, the way you sent me text after text when you wanted my attention. I miss coming over after school and talking with your dad. I miss hanging out with you down at the lake, and the way you got along with the guys. I just miss you. I have never forgotten you. I never felt the same feelings I had for you for anyone else.”
His lips are getting dangerously close to my skin. I'm scared and excited at the same time. My hands go to his chest and I have a choice of pushing him away, or pulling him closer.
“Josh.” I whisper.
I feel him smile as his nose trails down my cheek. “Yes?” He whispers against my skin.
“This is wrong.” I choke out. As soon as the words leave my lips I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding in.
Immediately he pulls away. “What?”
Shaking my head I look down. “You and Tarra always break up. How do I know you won’t just use me for the weekend and get back with her Monday?”
“Have I ever come to you when we broke up?” He asks with no hesitation.
I think about it and then say slowly, “No...”
Sitting on the couch he pulls me next to him, our bodies no longer touching. I’m ashamed to realize that I missed his touch already. “I understand why you’re scared, but please trust me. I really do want you back. We'll move at whatever pace you want, and I'm different. I won’t mess with you. I want to help fix what I left broken.” He picks up my hand and strokes it with his thumb. Just that little contact almost makes me melt.
My heart and brain argue with each other. My brain tells me to be logical about this, and to wait, and see if he truly stays away from Tarra. My heart tells me that I need his love, and I miss his touch and I have been longing for him ever since the night he left me. My brain urges me to pull away and kick him out. He hurt me once and will hurt me again. But, my heart is screaming for me to close the distance between our mouths and kiss him.
His eyes look at me and are so inviting. It’s as if they can hear my heart too. I reach up and run my fingers through his brown hair, styled how I like it. I get on my knees, and look into those eyes. I feel a single tear slip from mine. “Josh, you hurt me horribly. I haven’t been the same since. But one thing never changed. I never stopped loving you.”
He opens his mouth to respond but I lean forward and kiss him softly. I feel the spark and pull away. Josh’s expression is full of shock but once he recovers he smiles. “Cassi, can I have one, last and final chance?”
I nod and he presses a kiss to my lips, this one, more passionate. I run my hands through his thick hair again. His hands go to the small of my back and pull me closer. I break the kiss and lay my head on his shoulder.
“We're moving slower this time.” I whisper.
He nods, but doesn't let me go. I gently pull away. He nods, understanding and we both fall into silence. I pull my knees up to my chest and stare down thinking of what I just did. Within just a few minutes I completely changed my world. I was with Josh Bowing again. Shaking my head I laugh quietly.
“Cassi?” Josh asks.
“Hmm?” I reply, looking up to him.
“Is your dad going to be home soon? Its 4:30.”
“No. He won’t be back till Sunday.” I reply.
“Well I need to leave soon...”
I look up at him. “I know. But we can just chill.” The truth is I don’t want him to leave, knowing as soon as he does I’ll break down. The feelings that come with Josh are a little over whelming, and I am trying to sort them all out.
He gives me a smile and I slide over to him. He puts an arm around me and I turn the TV on, surfing through the channels until I find a movie we both like.
“Cassi?” Josh whispers as he kisses my cheek.
I pull away from the touch and push him away.
“Cassidy, what's wrong?” He asks, catching me before I fall off the couch.
I sit up and look around, rubbing my eyes. When I see him I rub them some more. “Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize...” I sigh and sit back. “What time is it?”
“About 2 AM. Are you OK?” He asks, sliding next to me and pulling me to his chest.
I lay my head on his shoulder and nod. “Yeah, just forgot about you.”
He laughs and kisses my forehead. “I'm sorry I stayed so late. I fell asleep soon after you, and just woke up.”
“Oh, it's fine.”
We both fall silent and I stand up. “I'm going to go shower. Will...will you still be here when I get out?”
He chuckles and nods. “Yes Raine.”
I start to walk down the hall, but look back at him. “What'd you call me?”
He looks up from the remote he had just grabbed and shrugs. “I don't know. What did I call you?”
“Raine...” I whisper.
A smirk spreads over his lips. “Ah, yes Raine.” It was as if he was testing it to see if it tasted right.
“Josh...You haven't called me that in so long.”
“Yes. I know. It just came out.”
I shake my head and go into the bathroom, shutting the door loudly. I strip my clothes and turn the water on, stepping in.