Arsenic Sea

March 3

 After two days of traveling by llama (FUNNEST THING EVER), my drawf and I arrived at the Arsenic Sea. It is the most beautiful azure, sparkling, and very calm. But that is deceptive, my drawf tells me, for the Arsenic Sea is 80% hydrofluoric acid, which enters your skin quite unnoticeably, but then begins to burn away at your nerves and muscle, until you die a painful death.

Eh. At least you die with your skin intact.

Therefore, my drawf and I put on special, protective, full-body wetsuits. It chafed a bit. I am ashamed to admit that I laughed at the sight of my drawf in the wetsuit, with his generous, spandex-covered belly wobbling away in a comical manner.

Anyhoo, thus protected, we are well underway in our search for the Arsenic Sea pirates. Our little vessel is called the Mariloo. I know that  Marilu is a girl's name, but this spelling seems a little odd to me. I asked the drawf its meaning.

"It is a combination of mare, latin for sea," said my drawf, "and loo, which is, of course, a British term for the toilet."

The drawf's explanation did not help this make any more sense to me. Oh well. It's Lalaland.

As the little ship sailed, I felt a frisson of excitement. I have always loved the sea (even one that is composed of deadly acid). And ever since Pirates of the Caribbean, I've been in love with pirates.

Of course, I am a very realistic, down-to-earth person. I have no expectations that real pirates will be charming, funny, and attractive. And even POTC did not hide the fact that pirates have poor hygiene. I am totally prepared for the pirates we meet to be gross, rude slimeballs.

But what the heck! This is a fantasy land, after all. I'm rooting for this one fantasy of mine, at least, to come true.

The End

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