Yup. You'd know her shrill anywhere. You thought you were rid of it. But apparently your mother, much like Superman or the Ebola virus, seems invincible.
For a second you contemplate hanging up and just going gently into that good night. But you make one more last ditch plea.
"What's wrong with you?" She says. "Are you on the drugs?..."
You're too weak to protest, Mother doesn't even give you the chance to as she keeps right on going in the reciever...
"You know what will happen to you if you're on the crack, you know? You'll end up just like Hannah Goldfarb's kid, you remember Adam don't you? You went to camp with him, the little fat kid with the lisp..."
You look around you and pray she'll shut up, then you try to drown her out with the cries of the screaming child, but even he has met his match. Mother 1, Child 0.
She's still going...
"...anyway, this kid goes off to college to study some artsy fartsy thing, crap if you ask me, and he gets into the crack. Spends all his poor mother's money on the crack. Ends up in default with his drug dealer on some loan. HE WENT INTO DEFAULT ON HIS CRACK PAYMENTS! I mean his poor mother! THE SHAME! So what's wrong with you?" She finally asks.
"I cut off my arm and am bleeding to death on the street right now."
"How the hell did you do that?"
"I was trying to escape from my mobius strip room."
There is silence on the receiver...finally.
"Mother. Call me and ambulance."
She sighs and says...