So I was in this cafe with this fella, Big Toe he's called. It's not ironic, he's massive. Oh and he's Australian. Now I know the stereotypical view of Australians is that they are rude generally, and they are. Well the ones I've met anyway. I must admit though, I've not met loads of them.
So back to the cafe, now the cafe is in Blackpool and it's a busy summer afternoon. We're at the counter, I'm minding my own business and the place is full of old aged pensioners that are just having a nice cup of tea with their old age pensioner mates.
The door opens and a dwarf woman walks in, I don't know if that's the politically correct term. She might have been a midget or a height challenged personage. I'm sure I've managed to get the right term in there somewhere, if not I've just insulted everyone under 4 foot in the world. No offence meant, I'm not even the rudest man, wait until you hear the rest of this story.
Now being as the name suggests, everything about this man was big, including his voice. The sound came out of the extremely big hole in the middle of his huge head.
So he nudges me and in his loudest Australian voice he announces to the world. "Here mate! There's one of them midgets". Every old age pensioner stopped drinking tea and looked at us, terrifyingly the dwarfen lady looked at us. Even more terrifying than all of that was Big Toes mouth, because at that moment I realised he hadn't finished. "I love them midgets Mate!, you can rest your pint pot on their head when their blowing you off"
That was the last time I went for a brew in a cafe with Big Toe funnily enough.