The table sat alone in one of the few open areas of Ryan's garage, wedged between his Honda Civic and a shelf full of seldom used tools. The surface of the table itself had caved in, bloating underneath and appearing oddly similar to the belly of an expectant mother. The drooping middle of the table had been filled with rice, courtesy of Ryan's smuggling buckets of it from his work, creating a sandbox of rice grains. Once could stab a bottle or can into the rice and nothing short of an earthquake would be able to knock it free, preventing accidental "spillage." All who beheld the rice table couldn't help but be amused and impressed by the simple but functional idea. By now, though, I'd gotten used to it. 

I often gathered here with my friends Ryan, Joey and Scott. Ryan would often invite us over after work to share a cold one and let the stress of the day slide off our shoulders. Ryan was average height with messy brown hair and a goatee. He was someone without many ambitions in life, but was content to just enjoy the moment. Joey was Ryan's brother, although, when I was first introduced to Joey, I had no idea. They couldn't look less related. Joey was a lot shorter than Kevin, bald with a bit of hair on his chin. He had deadly looking earrings stabbed through each earlobe and looked like he belonged more with the cast of "Orange County Choppers" than with the rest of us. Scott was bald, but not by choice. Most of his arms and legs were covered in tattoos, and he was the oldest of us and the only one at the table that was married. 

There was a fifth member of our little group: Ryan's roommate, Lila. She was tall with piercing green eyes and fiery red hair and a personality to match. Lila wasn't present at the table when I arrived that evening, but I suspected she was lounging about somewhere else in the house, entertaining guests of the party (which Ryan was supposed to be hosting) that was currently underway. I hadn't looked for her as I passed on through the house, too tired after working to talk with any of Ryan's guests or do anything else at all really than head for the garage, the private sanctuary.

I plopped into one of the chairs at the table and the guys greeted me. Ryan, with bright eyes, added a small burst of enthusiasm to his, "Hey Cam!"

I winced and looked at him from the corner of my eye. I opened my mouth wide. "Hey Ryan!" I yelled back. A look of confusion washed over Ryan's features before it was replaced by wondered amusement.

I looked at Joey. "What's wrong with your brother?"

Joey looked at Ryan. "Should I tell 'im?" Ryan waved a hand, indicating that he didn't really care. Joey brought his beer up to his lips. "Ryan's kinda rolling right now." 

Scott looked back and forth between the two of them. "Wait, he is?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Rolling!? Since when did he starting doing stuff like that?"

"Tonights like the third time he's done it," Joey said. 

I picked a bottle out of the few that were stuck into the rice in front of me and popped the cap off with a flick of my finger. 

"Ow," Scott said. 

"Have you rolled before?" I asked, pointing a finger at Joey. 

He was about to speak but looked over my shoulder then. I glanced in the same direction and almost banged faces with Lila. Her rosy lips smiled at me, unperturbed by our close proximity, and stuck a translucent, plastic bottle into the rice. I squinted at it and saw three pills resting on the bottom. 

"For me, you and Joey," she said. 

Joey snatched it up, scattering a few rice grains. "Yeah, I've done it before", he said. 

Scott glared at Lila. "None for me?" 

"Imagine if I sent you home to Tara, all high," she said. "She'd kill me." 

Scott folded his arms over his chest, sulking and glowering at the rest of us. "Cam, will you give me yours?" 

I stared at the bottle as Joey handed it back to me. It wasn't so long ago I would've declined something like this without a moment's hesitation. I thought for a minute about what my family might think if they saw me at the moment...then decided I didn't really care. I took the bottle. 

I saw Ryan looking between me and Lila, his wide eyes moving at rapid speed. "Cam, are you still dating Kristy?" he asked quickly. It had been awhile since I'd chilled with the guys, and I realized I hadn't spoken of Kristy since I'd been here. It was the first time I'd thought of her that night. Kristy...

***

Campus Dorms

One Year Ago

Kristy's name appeared on the screen of my phone. I snatched it up off my desk and put it to my ear.

"Hello?" I hadn't turned it on. I tried again after pushing the green button on the face of the phone. "Hello?"

Kristy‘s silky voice came through the earpiece. "Hey Cameron, you wanna go to Alberto‘s? I just got outta rehearsal and I've worked up an appetite."

"Yeah, sure," I said. I began sliding the detritus off of my desk and onto the floor. I then slid that under the bed. Don‘t want the roommate to get cranky about the mess.

"I've just been up studying late and haven't had a chance to eat, myself."

"Cool," she said. "I'll meet you by the dorms then."

"Take your time, I'm not even dressed."

Alberto's was right down the street from the campus so, in the next few minutes, Kristy and I were in my car, waiting in the drive-through line.

"It's pretty late for people to be up getting greasy Mexican food. I'm surprised there's a line", Kristy commented. She turned to me, her dark curls swaying slightly as she did so. "You know, Lois said she got her fake ID here."

I nodded. "That must be new on the menu."

"No," she said, "really. It sounds weird but I guess some guy here makes ‘em."

"So?" I asked.

"Oh that's right. You aren‘t much of a drinker."

"You aren't either," I retorted.

"I'm kidding," she said. "Although, your roommate says that isn't really the case. I've heard you aren't adverse to keeping a little something in the mini fridge in your room..."

"Why've you been talking to Jim?" I asked. "I thought you said he creeped you out. Anyway, why do you even care about this? I thought you were like the nun of your dorm or something."

"What!?" Her eyes went wide in disbelief. "That's what people say!?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Like you didn't know."

"Probably just because I'm not a slut like half the other girls in my hall." She was silent for a minute. "You know, when you raise your eyebrow like that, it looks like a caterpillar. You know, cuz when they move, their backs sort of go up and then go back down."

We were at the window before I could come up with any sort of comeback.
"Here ya go," the drive-through worker said. The window closed after he handed me the bag.

"You're not even gonna read me back the order...?" I asked of the air.

"Seriously, Cameron," Kristy said. "Is that true though? If you got caught keeping stuff in your fridge then you'd have to pay a fine or...something."

"I'm well aware," I said, extricating the carne asada burrito from the bag with one hand and keeping the other hand on the wheel. "It's not true anyway." I lied, Kristy, it's totally true.

"That's a relief," Kristy said as we pulled back into the campus parking lot. "Don't want you getting all tainted and worldly on me."

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. "You do sound like a nun."

She laughed, indignation creeping into her voice at the same time. "You are such a jerk. Just because I hold onto my values...I just don't want you losing your's either." She looked down at her lap, unwrapping her food. "You know. Just...friendly concern."

"Friendly?" I asked, swallowing down my first bite.

"Yeah," she said quietly, looking at me. "Friendly."

I moved in suddenly, locking lips with her. She seemed a little surprised for a moment, but then fell into it. My tongue searched around her mouth and found hers. She pulled me in closer. We continued for a few moments and I felt her hand slip under my shirt, warm from holding the bag of food. She pulled the hand away suddenly, as though the touch of skin to skin had shocked her. She was still a little surprised, her eyes blinking rapidly, which confused me. We'd been playing this game for literally years now...

To my relief, Kristy finally spoke. "I should've got the carne asada. That tasted good."

***

I got back to the dorm a few hours later. Jim was lying in his bed on his side of the room, computer in his lap like always, pale light reflecting off his glasses. I pulled off my shirt and flopped on the bed, not saying anything to him. I felt the black abyss of sleep beginning to tug at me.

The second I zonked out, Jim's voice pulled me to consciousness again. "So," he asked flatly, "you and Kristy make out?"

I propped myself up on one elbow, my mind still foggy from sleep. "What?" I rubbed a hand over my face. "What the hell are you talking about? You been stalking me or something?"

"No," Jim said in all seriousness. "I'm on Facebook. Kristy updated her status a few minutes after you came in here." He started talking in a high-pitched, feminine voice. "Here she says, ‘Had an amazing night with Cameron, can't wait for tomorrow'". He looked over at me finally. "So did ya do ‘er?"

"Goodnight, Jim," I said.

***

I snapped awake early the next morning. Jim was just getting back from his early morning class. "Why are you awake?" he asked. "You were up like, til 3 am."

I was about to explain myself but stopped. "You were up later."

Tim rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, I didn't really sleep last night. I had a big report to do."
I blinked at him. "You were on Facebook."

"Why are you awake?" Jim pressed.

Why do you care? I wondered. "I guess my subconscious realized I have a speech to prepare for my communications class."

"That sucks," Jim said.

"Yeah, that's what I thought for about a minute," I shook the sleep from my body, heading toward the closet. "Then I realized I still wasn't gonna prepare for it."

Jim squinted at me incredulously.

"I'm going for a run," I said. "I'm just gonna improv the speech."

The speeches were to be about a personal experience that changed or defined the speaker's character. I hadn't really had one of those, as far as I could remember. I was running around the campus perimeter, jogging my head for anything significant that popped into my mind at the same time. I supposed for a moment that I could talk about my parent's divorce, but realized that it had been a long time in coming when it did finally happen and that it hadn't actually defined me at all. It had probably only stamped the seal on the dark seed of cynicism that had begun to take root in my brain, unbeknownst to me.

The only thing I could think of was the single most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to me. It was a memory of mine from a few years back. It occurred when I was eating dinner with my friend Jason and his parents. I ordered a chile relleno for my meal, readying myself to bite into it's juicy succulence...I picked up my knife and cut into it. As soon as I did, a thin stream of juice shot violently across the table and into the eye of Jason's dad. He reeled back in his seat and clutched at his face. "Aaaah", he screamed, "what are you doing!?" Like I'd done it on purpose. Shoot, if I could aim streams of juice that accurately, I'd do it more often. Other customers in the restaurant began glancing at us in curiosity, some in anger at the sudden disturbance. It was in that moment that I'd never wanted more than to disappear. I decided to use that memory for my speech and recount it in vivid detail.

Luckily, the speech was a big hit and I got me some high marks. I left the class feeling great about myself. Almost as great as I'd felt the night before. I decided then that the few impromptu actions I had taken in my life had been a great success. I vowed to make more of them soon.

 

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