I spent my Christmas alone. Of course I sat down with my family for the traditional Christmas roast and opened my presents around my younger brother and two cousins but I isolated myself because the hollow feeling in my chest meant that I couldn't bear the joy of the occasion. The fact that I had been dumped the day before Christmas Eve made it impossible fore everyone else's happiness to spread to me. At some point during my self-confinement to my room, I remembered Tony's idea of the type of girl I was, but rather than being amused by the irony in the fact I was moping around from caring so much about Tom, I saw in my mind's eye a wide grin upon his face at the thought of Tom's freedom of me, which made me even more upset.
On New Year's Eve, I'd had enough. Why should I let some stupid guy bring me down and keep me there for a hellish week? What right had Tom to ruin my Christmas holidays?
The New Year was about change, fresh starts, saying farewell to things you didn't like.
It was the perfect time to decide that falling so deeply in love with someone was neither sensible nor positive.
So my resolution would be not to do it again.
I was too young for the seriousness, for the commitment deep love required. I should make the most out of the fun, the lack of need of responsibility and maturity that people of my age were lucky to have access to.
Who cared for decency, for great personality? Every single guy I had dated had chosen me on the basis I was hot. It was only me who sought out justification for dating them which didn't involve how hot they were. I was sure a lot of girls didn't even do that.
So why be the exception?
Who cared what the likes of stupid Anthony Rolson thought? Life was too short for anything other than diversion. And it wasn't as if I expected to enjoy this sort of lifestyle forever. I realised it was a phase: a desire to try out something different. Something to take my mind off Tom.
‘He was a fool for dumping me then,' I thought irrationally.
‘Let's get this party started,' was my next thought - it arose as the grandfather clock in the hallway began to strike midnight.