All that Glitters is Old


“Oh my God RUBY!” 

As soon as he saw her he throw off his jacket and bent down to pick up her pieces. He placed his arms underneath the heavy set frame and with ease lifted Ruby into his arms. Ruby Stone was not a light woman to start but add to this her early morning decision for a costume change, she had squeezed herself into a twenty pound red sequins gown, and her complete lack of conscience, meant Tommy was lifting two hundred and fifty pounds of dead weight. She looked as much like Joan Collins as Ms. Garret at this point. The gown dug into his arms and her robust breasts bobbed just under his chin. From this proximity the smell of booze and vomit was more than over powering. “What the heck happened to you?” 

Lifting his leg to kick open the door was almost enough to set them both ass over tea kettle, if it wasn’t for his hours at the gym and dedication to his body he may not have had the stabilization to make it through. ‘Thank God for Yoga’ he thought to himself as he made his way around the bar and dropped Ruby on a stool. “OMG Hun your covered in it.” Looking down at what had become of his light blue D&G t-shirt he wished now he had left his jacket on until she was cleaned up. 

”Stay!” he pointed at her unresponsive body, then felt bad about the joke and corrected himself “Wait here hun, I’ll be right back”

Tommy was only gone a few moments before returning with a glass of water and a roll of paper towels, no use dirtying clean towels and to hell if he was going to put dirty bar cloths near his designer t-shirt. He dipped the firm brown industrial paper towel into the water soaking up as much water as it would take before blotting at the t-shirt and wiping his arms clean. It was only after most of the chunkiness was sufficiently removed and the wetness was mostly water that Tommy decided he best make an effort, at least to rid the smell, and clean up his boss as well. Carefully and as time tested as the the dark haired bartender cold manage, he rolled out a foot or two of clean towel and began the lengthy job of cleaning up yet another bar mess.

On one of his last and deeper scoops at the vomit that had accumulated between her breasts a large red finger-nailed hand swung up catching the edge of his Disney-esque jawline setting him aback and surprising the both of them. 

“I AM A LADY!” slurred the barowner. 

The focus came back into Ruby’s eyes as the pain shifted down Tommy’s neck. “Don't think just because your a pansy stamper you can just start feeling me up.” Ruby continued “Tommy!” she spit the words out as if she were ridding them from her life for good “Tommy tit touchier!”

“Nice to have you back babe” Tommy wiped the remaining vomit off his hands

“Awe shut up”

“You?” Pointing at Ruby as he made his way around the bar and over to the industrial coffee maker “You need coffee!” 

“No you need to mind your own…” As hard as she tried she knew he was right, Tommy always knew the best way to her heart “I'm fine, damn it!”

It only took moments after he poured the water into the top for the maker to start spitting out it’s brewed nectar, the aroma filling the bar and Ruby started to come to life. Her head resting on the edge of the bar Ruby pushed herself up into a standing position.

“Whoa! No no..” Tommy darted around the bar faster than even he would have imagined. Ruby stumbled toward him falling into a chair a little closer to the action.

“Just sit there I’m getting your coffee hun!” Tommy grabbed her arms smoothing her into the seat, his hands were softer than most men his age but Ruby would never have told him so, that was the stuff in romance novels, though she knew she hadn’t hired him for his brains.

“ Awe, I'm just a little lightheaded.” She rest her head back on the bar.

“Don't even try to move granny.” 

As soon as Tommy was sure she wasn’t going to hurt herself he made his way back around the bar to attend to the small mess the maker was making in his absence.

‘One minute you are having a nice little nap and the next minute wham!’ Ruby’s mind wandered before realization hit her “Granny? Granny? you better watch it with the talk. I may be menopausal but I've still got some fight left in me.” 

“I’m sure you do hun.” Ignoring the impulse to knock her back out Tommy picked up the phone in an attempt to round up backup. “Just sit there and don’t fuss mama’s gotta make a phone call.”

“I'm very sensitive”

“Dinosaur!” As Tommy dialed the numbers he hoped Kevin would pick up and it wouldn’t be too early to ask him to stop by.

“oh do, with this dinosaur do, I'll have you know i am in my early to late mid-forties.”

“Well? parts.” 

“I could be your... sister, or aunt, or some other young motherly figure...”

“Okay late mid forties, you’re very young, now hush, Sleep!” The phone stopped ringing and a muffled voice answered “Hey Kit, listen we have a situation down at the club its Rube she's gone and made a complete fool of herself” Tommy switched ears as he made his way out of earshot and through the swinging door that lead to the backroom.

The End

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