Too much pride (Part 1/2)

I tossed a few leaves that lay next to me, crunching in my hands and squeezing them hard before they were thrown to the ground as they gently danced away.
The wind blew my overgrown fringe into my eyes, then back to the side of my face so I could see the sunlight again…whereas for my school uniform- it was tattier than ever. A few ripped holes here and there- especially at the arm where they’d tried to grab hold of me. Flashbacks shot back at me as I sat up to inspect the conditions of my weak legs. There were a few scratches just below the knee- one that started at the ankle, ending halfway up the knee. A few blood droplets from this had stained the socks I had played football in yesterday, but it didn’t really matter.
I enjoyed this kind of pain. Fisting a few guys when I became angry, discontented. They never felt like humans when I was in a fight, only punching bags I could use for free whenever I liked.
No one ever understood me when I was little. My 2nd year teacher miss Anderson, suggested I should see a psychologist when I would randomly start fights in the middle of class repetitively, whilst she held out boring baby cartoon books that she would make us recite over and over again.

It wasn’t alright that everybody thought I was mad- and my mother who heard about this never took the advice because she didn’t give a damn about me. She’d always thought I was mad, mad with guilt, guilt that I still remember father- the man who abandoned us for another woman. She hated me, not only for that, but for who I was- for living. But then, who cares if she didn’t care about me- I didn’t need her sympathy or anyone’s sympathy…or so I believed.
The wind blew again, but harder this time, and a few leaves sprawled onto my face. At that moment, I felt a tear roll down the side of my cheeks. I told myself that it must’ve been the wind…but I lied to myself. It was then I realised something- I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was…maybe, my heart was as weak as others, though I’d never realised…never wanted to realise.

The End

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