I've been working on the Quiet Ones sporadically for a few weeks now, but I gave it to my sister to read, and she gave me critique, and, well, I'm rewriting it.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly grateful to her and everything - it's exactly what I needed, because you're all too nice and only ever pick out my typos instead of telling me what's wrong with the plot and the characters. But it did rather put me off the first draft.

Still, she said there was nothing wrong with the writing itself, and the story had 'potential', so that makes me happy :)

Anyway, there's a link somewhere over there -> to the original, as I can't put it in the post itself, and I look forward to having you along for the ride! And sorry that I post a lot one day, and then nothing for days after that. It's a terribly bad habit of mine.

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So, this is draft two, following some critique from my sister. Because you're all too nice, and just correct my typos instead of telling me what's wrong with the STORY itself.

So yeah. Enjoy.

The original -
http://www.protagonize.com/story/the-quiet-ones-1

Feel free to compare it, but I'm adding in so much stuff at the beginning you probably won't even recognise it until about the third chapter or later :)

updated Sep 29 '11 by delorfinde