I’m standing on the edge, trying not to look down. The black beneath me, cold dark and so uninviting. A few bubbles erupt on the calm surface, and my eye catches a glimpse of bright orange or yellow flashes as a diver swims on by.

I feel sick, my stomach Turing with nerves, as I go through my check points again with my buddy. Pressure, check, regulator, check, everything is fine, so why cant I just let go and jump on in?

‘Right’ my instructor yells so everyone setting up on the cliff side can hear.

I just want to get this over with, but cant seem to make the leap. My feet in my fins, firmly stuck.

‘Right’ my instructor edges me forward his arm on my back, gently pushing me. ‘ you know the drill’ he says smiling, waving his hand in front of my mask.

I give a laugh. Hhmm, yea sure do, have done this enough times at the pool. I think.

But still I don’t budge.

‘ok, right, I will go first, ok’ and he pulls his mask down over his eyes and puts his regulator in. He gives me the ok hand signal, and leaps off the rock. Water splashing up at my legs, not that I would feel it with all these layers, my dry suit moulded to every inch of my body, feeling both secure and like the Michelin man. I watch as his head disappears and re-emerges some seconds later, and he gives me the ok signal again. ‘My turn’. I think trying to keep my mind calm.

I turn around and look at the group now watching, faces glaring at me, amusement and interest in there eyes. How long have I been stood here. Minutes, seconds? I don’t know. But glad they find it all funny, this fear of the deep I have. More scared of jumping in than, what’s down there.

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