The Laundry Gnome

When is the last time you've taken the time to bend over your washer and dryer with great effort in order to glance into the dark dusty abyss that is the small crack between the appliance and your basement wall?

Next time you make the time to do so, you should probably be aware of the presence of one particularly frustrating household creature aptly named The Laundry Gnome.

This small magical being is capable of living in a great number of locations, all of which must be within reasonable proximity to a washer or dryer.

In the past, their predecessors were more aquatic in nature, and lived in the shallow waters of slow flowing streams that passed near small villages; When the women would come to the waters edge to wash their linens, the Laundry Gnome would skillfully snatch small articles of clothing from the unsuspecting grasp of  villagers.

Since the advent of the washing machine and the industrial age however, these creatures have become far more sloth. They have since lost their great agility in water and their slender form has evolve into what can only be described as morbidly obese. If it were not for their magical properties, it would be a wonder how they fit into that tiny space between the wall and your washing machine in the first place!

The obesity however, is more to blame on us, considering the need for confrontation with humans has been quite drastically cut down now that they simply wait for an absent minded launderer to drop articles of clothing directly into their grasp.

The existence of the Laundry Gnome has been in question for a long period of time. The majority of the Laundry Gnome's activity is usually chalked up to roommates or closely aged siblings accused of stealing one anothers clothes.

However, one must always be aware that the Laundry Gnome is present in at least 96% of family homes around the world.

Some Laundry Gnomes will have a particular inclination toward certain articles of clothing; the majority of which are small enough to fit within the dusty abyss between the wall of your basement and the washing machine. Such items usually include socks and undergarments, or babies clothing (of which they reportedly wear).

Nevertheless, there are rarities. On occasion, more active Laundry Gnomes will move throughout the house at night and collect larger articles of clothing such as sweaters or even coats.

It's advised that you keep an extra bit of expendable clothing in order to keep your Laundry Gnome content, due to the fact that a starved Laundry Gnome is far more likely to take large quantities of clothing in what is reffered to as a Basket Binge, where they leave the safety of the dusty abyss to pluck articles directly out of an unattended laundry basket.


In conclusion, be kind to your Laundry Gnome and you may live a relatively normal life.

Attempts to rid yourself of your Laundry Gnome are highly unrecommended due to the fact that the local Laundry Gnome community will likely black list your home at which point you will find that multiple Laundry Gnomes will return to inhabit all manner of nooks.

It is even possibly that the Laundry Gnomes will ask the aid of a local Closet Troll, which of course would be a horrible situation to find yourself in!


The End

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