"So it's my dad? My real dad? My ... dad."
My words echoed round my brain. My mum was sitting opposite me looking scared, angry and uncomfortable. After a long pause she almost whispered
"mmm. Yes your... real dad. Mikealo. Mikealo Ranger."
I couldn't believe what she was saying. I looked at the news paper at the man on trial for murder of a 29 work college. He had the same long straight nose as me and looking closer the same dark slightly wavy hair. My farther a...a murderer?
"God Macey this wasn't the way I wanted you to find out." My mum's anxious look just made me more angry and frustrated. I felt like screaming and punching, kicking and tearing.
"Yes right you would of rather me never find out! You would of rather me not know myself! Who I am!" I screamed, "A murderer's kid that's who I am! A murderer's kid as bad as being a murderer! Keeping the truth from me doesn't stop it from being true!" my mum's tears spilled over like waterfalls on to her tanned cheeks, "Stop Macey! Stop I'm sorry! Course I would of told you chick. But I would have waited till you were older." Her pleading just angered me more. I could feel it boiling up inside me and rising up then over flowing as I screamed, "Why mum! Why keep me away from myself. This is part of who I am. Part of me!" My last words made me feel slightly sick as I said them.
"Of course it's not darling you can be who you want to be not who your father is."
I really felt like hitting her then a horrible thought seen as she was right I didn't have to be my father and she didn't need to of told me till now. But the sick thing was that I loved this, I loved staring over her I loved being in charge I loved the feeling in my bones, a power in my bones- the power to hurt. The power to be strong. And I hated myself for it.
I ran from the room a fire burning up inside me, but I think partly I was running from myself the horror I was being. But I didn't know then that wasn't the only horror of myself I had left to find out about. In my room I stood in the middle of the floor and breathed deeply my eyes closed the fire in me burning and liking my insides till they felt raw. I felt like someone had planted a bomb in my brain and now it had gone of destroying everything I knew and understood about myself, leaving havoc, confusion and hatred in its place. I just stood there willing this to end wishing it was nightmare I would soon wake up from. But in truth the nightmare had only just begun.