A heart broken human being becomes wistful of the love that has slipped through their fingers.
I'll be honest, I never thought I'd be alone again after I dropped my entire life on the ground for Ashley. Okay, I didn't drop it. I chucked it like a baseball at a window that looked at you funny. Young love can do that, I suppose, yeah? One second my heart is pounding like my mom beating on my bedroom door as I lunged out the window, a smile as long as the miles and miles Ashley and I traveled on my face.
It only took two years before she got tired of being my adventure.
With a shrug of her shoulder and toss of her curls, she strutted out of my life without so much as a backwards glance. It didn't even matter to her that I'd left my mom, and my brother to go all over America with her. It didn't even matter to her that everything breath she took felt like my own. It didn't even matter to her that I was late coming home that day because I was picking out a ring for her.
I guess life is funny like that.
Somehow, I'd ended up on my hotel room's balcony, shirtless and laying across the cement like it was cozier than my bed. Which, to be fair, it was. I'd gotten so used to just rolling over and putting my arm around her, making sure she was okay. Now to crawl into the bed made for two felt like lying, or an echo of a happier memory.
My heart stretched in all different directions as I watched the stars. I couldn't help thinking "She could be looking at these stars, right this second, thinking of me." Suddenly, hope flickered in my heart at a noise and I turned my head, so sure that I'd see her legs stomping up to me before she dropped down to the ground to kiss me.
I could almost taste her strawberry chapstick.
It'd been a month, and my heart felt bruised. A part of me wanted to jump off the balcony to feel that weightless feeling before the world came crashing down. When I was with her, I did feel weightless. Her hand tight around mine only kept me from flying away she made me that freakin' happy. Just her laugh put me on cloud nine.
And now she's gone. She's going everywhere and anywhere and nowhere. I understand now that she's a girl who's like a fire on a cold day. You get close to her, and you feel amazing at the heat, but she moves to her own accord and sometimes she flares up, leaving you burned.
Boy, did I get burned. Did I ever.
Contemplating my life as I stared at the stars, I worried. My mom, my bro and my girl-
Ex. My ex-girlfriend.
I couldn't help but still stumble on that. I still loved her, I think that's the issue. Everyday she had a new idea, a new adventure, a new twinkle in her eye, a new secret in her soul. There was so much of her to explore and she left me with too little of time.
She'd whispered in my ear once when we camped out in a forest that when we look at stars, we're looking almost a billion years into the past because they're light years away from the earth. "To us, they're alive, but they're long gone and dead," she had said before kissing me.
Maybe, one day, I'll be like a star. Someday, she'll look at me again and see the light that I gleaned when she knew me, even though it'd be gone. Maybe it'll even be dead.
A small star caught my eye. I don't know why, maybe because it twinkled brighter, maybe because it looked all alone up there, but it made me smile for the first time in weeks.
"You kept your light going. I guess I can to."