I sighed heavily as I laid my head on my desk. I wasn't in the mood to read today or listen to my music in the morning. The students were buzzing outside and I could hear a few of them gossiping about things involving me and Shina, but also of other students in the school. The reason for my heavy sigh was obvious as the day before I had just confessed to Shina that I liked her. Why did I do such a thing? I wallow in my own self-regret.
This morning I hadn't seen Shina at the front of the school so I was surprised. It must be because of what I had done yesterday. Unable to greet her this morning, I quickly walked to my desk in the classroom and laid on top of it leading to the current situation of me wallowing in self-pity at my stupid mistake. The girls who I threatened the other day saw me as I laid on my desk and when I turned my head to them they immediately averted eyes and trembled in fear, not that I blame them. They probably won't bother Shina ever again, which is good. It was unlike me to feel this worried about something.
I'm an idiot.
I contemplated my idiot move, until I heard the sound of someone setting their bag beside me. I turned my head sideways towards the left side while still letting my head lay down on my hands. Shina is setting her bag down and moves the chair to sit herself on it. I keep remembering the flashback of me accidentally kissing her on impulse. No... It wasn't on accident, was it? It was on purpose. It wasn't just an impulse, but perhaps my hidden desire. I'm scum, aren't I? To steal a kiss from her when I only knew her for a few weeks. This is why I could never understand the so called love at first sight...
Shina doesn't turn to look at me as she sits down. It seems like she won't talk to me for the rest of the day as I thought. Her hair slips down as she uses her slender fingers to brush them behind her ears. Feeling slightly embarrassed I shift my head back to looking down at the desk. I didn't feel quite comfortable unless she talked to me. This went on for a long time.
When the first classes finally ended and lunch had come I headed straight to the private library room while scratching my head in contemplation. I left Shina behind in the classroom. I was hesitating whether or not I should talk to Shina about yesterday. It really is troublesome to figure out what I should say to Shina.
I enter the private room after unlocking the library's door and going around the library counter. No one was in the library today, which I was thankful for. Once I entered the room I set the two bento boxes that I had brought with me from the classroom on the table along with my book and earphones. I take out my music player from my pocket as well and set it down and then seat myself into the chair. I sigh heavily again. I sure am sighing a lot today.
What should I say to Shina? Will she even still come in today?
I pondered these sort of questions in my head hoping that Shina would come to the room, so that I could apologize for yesterday. I laid my head on the desk and closed my eyes to concentrate on scenarios for my apology. My heart feels empty for some reason. I wonder if it is because I did something bad that made Shina really mad at me. I don't want to think to deeply, but I can't help it.
With my eyes still closed my hearing heightened to the peak and picked up various sounds in the private room. Thanks to the soundproof walls I didn't hear much sound coming in from the outside. Before I knew it I had fallen asleep. I was unconcious for an unknown amount of time before I felt something shaking me from my shoulder. When I opened my eyes to look to see who was bothering me. Shina was shaking me on the shoulder and calling my name.
"Ka...zuki... Kazuki... Kazuki..."
Shina continued to repeat my name before I finally opened my eyes fully in surprise and jumped back unconciously. I scared Shina a bit as I jumped back in my chair from surprise. I didn't think she would actually come as I did something that probably wouldn't pass off so easily and yet here she was...
"Kazuki, are you awake?" she asked.
It was the same Shina as I had met before. She smiled at me without a hint of ill intent. My heart danced in joy as she spoke to me with her sweet voice. I didn't know how to respond, now... I had thought up all these situations in my head and yet now I could not speak a single word. I'm so stupid...
"Kazuki?" Shina tilts her head in confusion as I stay silent.
I only look at Shina with a non-expressionless face.
"Ah, sorry. I was kinda dazing out. Shina..."
"Will you forgive me for yesterday?"
Shina tilts her head for a moment and then blushes. Her entire face turns bright rose red. It was kinda funny seeing her in such a way, but I couldn't help but smile. Although I was smiling, I also felt bad for kissing her.
"I-I'm not mad, so...its okay" replies Shina. As she blushes she breaks out a smile towards me making my heart beat faster. I need to calm it down. "B-but I'd like it if we could just stay friends f-for now..."
I nod my head to Shina's words. Whatever makes her comfortable I'm fine with it as long as I'm able to stay by her. Hm? Was this always how I felt about people before? I don't think so, but somehow if its Shina I think I'm fine with staying with her. Although its kinda hard to just be friends, but it can't be helped. I don't know much about Shina after all and she doesn't know me either. Its like we are strangers who are also friends.
"Yeah, that's fine. Sorry, Shina for making you nervous."
"It was obvious." Shina blushes again. She really is cute. I get an impulse to touch her but I hold back and instead direct my attention to lunch which I had nearly forgotten all about. "Shina, how long have I been sleeping?"
"Not long I just got here."
"Then... Shall we eat?"
"Yes" Shina smiles at me.
I hand her a bento box which I had prepared for her and took my own bento box. We both open the lid and said our thanks before beginning to eat.
Shina happily munches away at the food and I eat as well in silence. When we finish Shina takes a book she had brought with her and begins reading it, since I also brought my own book I begin to read as well. As I read my book, I could see Shina glancing at me every now and then. She probably wants to say something to me but doesn't seem to have the courage yet to confront me. Its kinda interesting the way she is fidgetting about.
Time passes as the clock went by and we spent the lunch period reading in silence as Shina continued to glance at me, although she never did say what was on her mind. I didn't bother to ask as well as it would seem as though I was prying into her. I'm not the type of person to completely pry into another's business after all.
We spend the rest of the day normally as well today. It seems as though the days are getting better and better, but at the same time I feel a sense of unease at how nicely things are going. It'd be nice if nothing bad happened. I might be setting a death trap by thinking something like this...
I never did get to ask Shina about her tears. I also don't know about her family.
I was curiously thinking about Shina again. I'm seriously being lovestruck, aren't I? I wonder if she'll tell me though, one day, about her family... Thinking such things I finish the day after club activities with Shina.
"How should I talk to her tomorrow?"