She is a typical Christian girl who grew up with an attitude of "I am here. You are there. So don't disturb." She doesn't regard much of herself and she has come to believe that she has a complicated personality due to her apparent change of moods. Besides that, she has some inner conflicts that she tries to fight over and over again. She has a past that keeps her on the edge. All these have changed when she entered the peak of her teenage years.
In her first year of college, a Philosophy
I'm wearing all black. It is a day that I should wear make-up. And perhaps color my pale lips with ruby red, a glossy pink will do. But this girly things aren't my field of interest. I love wearing my normal skin tone, he said I look pretty this way. Besides, make-ups always make me remember of my insecurities in life. Make-ups are no good to me. I will not look good even if I wear one. She is far better than me, I could not compete.
Today is the happiest day for me. Supposedly it must have been that way, but happiness for me is something I cannot define. Not when I am here, wearing the color that holds my future. He was there clad in all white, a three-piece suit that surely makes him more beautiful, more beautiful than the last time I saw him . I see it. The sexiest part of his body. That familiar smile.
The most beautiful smile I have ever seen. The greatest person outside my family that I have ever known. And perhaps, I will not meet any man like him. Not that I don't want to, but I know, that someone like him is once in a lifetime person. No one could be as great as him.
He is the only person who has the greatest influence in my life. He taught me many things that no one else has had. He opened up my eyes. He made me realize about the beautiful things in life. He was all of this and that. He made me cry.
When the church bell rings I felt a sudden pang in my chest, direct to my heart, a sharp sword to my soul. I see them. I see him snaking his strong arms around her slim waist. He is smiling to her. I am here, wondering, hurting, thinking all the "what if's" in life. But I know in the first instance I realized that I like him, what if is a phrase that will doom you for the rest of your life, if you allow it to devour you. He said people are like that, humans who do things without thinking thrice are full of regrets in their later life. He said humans are humans bound to get hurt.
The guests are circling around them now, I could not watch any longer. I was looking for tears but found nothing on my eyes. I rub my eyes anyway. Sighing as if in complete defeat, I turn my back after my final glance, and with a heavy burden in my chest, I whisper, "I love you, after all."
Today is a special ceremony. He is getting married. To a woman I have no complaints about. He will have a happy ending because he deserves it right. The greatest person I have known, the one who made me realized I'm not numb, is now a happy groom of someone else. Today, too...is my graduation ceremony.
And I'm wearing all black.