Simblesimpkin stands on the stand, her chin raised each whisker bristling with indignation as the big bad bailiff asks her to swear. Judge Wicked E Witch peers over her glasses and swings her gravel idley from side to side.
Wicked E WItch: Narrator, can you fill us in before we have Simblesimpkin's testamony please?
Narrator: (Sweeping bow and curtsey) Of course your most delectable honour!
Now Simble, dear Simble had formed a dark plan, so she packed up her bags and dusted her hands.
She walked through the woods and up to a mill which was nestled serenley atop a black hill.
She saw the old miller who was struck down by her beauty and his heart did beat and he now knew his duty.
He walked up to old Simble and bent down on one knee and said "Simble! Dear Simble! Won't you marry me?"
(Gasps from the crowds)
Yes it is true! I can hear you say wow but old Simble did step up and take marriage vows!
Wicked E Witch: (drops her gravel in shock) So! Let me get this straight! If the old miller married Simble then that must mean-
Jury: Dun! Dun! DUH!
Wicked E Witch: That Morinder is Simblesimpkins daughter!
(Gasps from the crowd!)
The Old Miller: (Stands up) Its true I tell you! I love you fuzzy wuvvy kins! Mwah! Mwah!
WIcked E Witch: Alright! Alright! thats enough! (whispers) I've just eaten!
Now Simblesimpkin we will hear your testamony! And I want the truth!
Simblesimpkin: Okay! Okay! I'll tell you about my evil plans!
It's true! I left the dark woods and headed up to the mill where I saw the old miller who lived on the hill!
I married him there, I had him a daughter, I cooked and I cleaned like all good wifes oughta!
Narrater: (mutters) Simply awful rhyming! Simply awful!
Simblesimpkin: But my heart was still heavy and life hung on my mind, so I vowed that my brothers and mother I'd find.
I schemed and I plotted, I fumed and I planned, to get lots of money for me and my man!
(Wiggles her fingers at The Old Miller who blows a kiss back)
Now I heard that the King was looking for gold so as a part of my plan my daughter was sold.
I stuck on a beard and sneaked into her cell where my sweet little Morinder was horribly held!
I taught her to weave and showed her my power, I taught her to spin gold (It took like an hour!).
Now I knew that Rumple longed for a child, so much so that it drove him quite wild!
So Morinder I told she could keep her fair King, and she swore to me I could have anything!
So the first child she had I told her I'd claim unless she could guess and figure my name.
Now this is the best part of my wonderful plan because my dear daughter thought me a man!
Identical brothers all covered with grime would all be arrested and charged with this crime!
Now my devious daughter sent out her best spies to peek and to peer and to listen to my cries!
I danced and I jeered, I cackeled and grinned and I cried to the moon, my names Rumplestiltskin!
Morinder the queen reported the crime and my dear brothers were made to do time!
I escaped to the hill to be with the miller but something had happened, now heres the real killer!
My old mother was ill and I felt bad, because this was the only real family I had.
So I'm telling the truth and now they can go free but here is my moral please listen to me!
My heart was dark and my mind was cold, for all I could think of was vengence and gold.
So don't be evil and try not to be sly because theres no "happy ever after" for the bad guy!
The wicked witch falls of her chair, the bailiff spits up the stenographer in shock, Morinder sits with her hands over her eyes, the king gazes lovingly at his mirror! Regaining her composure and pulling herself back onto her seat the Judge glares at Simblesimpkin!
Wicked E Witch: Now you all heard her! She confessed under duress! Now place this small woman under arrest!
Narrator: (Claps) Oooh! Well done! Simply marvelous rhyming your honour!
Wicked E Witch: (Looks a little confused) Ok has the jury come up with a plan to punish this woman for this evil scam!
Juror No.1: My name is Grumpy, I am head juror and a Dwarfe, I serve under the tenth kingdom of dwarfedom, praised by the commander Guzzledorf, trained by the masterful mountain dwarves! RULED OVER BY KING MORK! RULER OF ALL DWARF-
Wicked E Witch: (bangs gravel) Will you just get on with it you berk!
Juror No.1: (ahem!) We the Jury of magical creatures find Simblesimpkin......
Guilty of perverting the course of justice! Guilty of framing her brothers!
We also find her husband The Old Miller! GUILTY of trafficking a human and selling his own daughter for profit!
The Old Miller: Noooooooooooo!
Wicked E Witch: Its about bloody time!
I sentance you both to a year of back-breaking labour and both of your pictures will be in the paper! You will harvest jewels for the angry Dwarfe King Mork for crimes against nice people and being a dork!
Narrator: Really your honour thats splendid stuff!
Wicked E Witch: How do I make it stop?
Narrator: Oh you can't! Its an awful life long disease! (smiles innocently)
Wicked E WItch: (sighs) Now before the big bailiff takes you away! I have a few things that I want to say.
Revenge can be cold and it always tastes bitter, so don't be a fool and don't be a quitter!
Stay good and nice or you'll find out why......
Theres never a happy ever after for the bad guy!