The King's Testimony

(The usher enters with a tall, handsome, swarthy King, dressed in the finest Versace tunic with Gucci tights, he twiddles his goatee and winks at the Judge before propping himself on the stand. A ladies man in other words.)


Judge Wicked E Witch: Please state your name?

King: King Handsomus Aloicous Percivous Brucus the Third

Judge Wicked E WItch:  (giggles) Well if you wouldn't mind telling the court what happened your Highness?

King: Anything...for a lady! (Winks)

Well your honour, I was in need of some hard cash, seems my beauty regime was costing a lot more then I had realised.

Judge Wicked E WItch: Couldn't you just cut back on the lotions and potions?

King: Thats exactly what my financial adviser said to me!

Judge Wicked E WItch: And why didn't you heed his advice?

King: Because I had beheaded him for his insolence! Handsomness like this doesn't just maintain itself you know! It takes hard work and the utmost care!

Judge Wicked E Witch:  Hehehe! I can tell!

Narrator: (Ahem!) If I may?

The King needed money it was needless to say and he'd found an old miller who was willing to pay. The Old Millers daughter was gorgeous and fair, with the bluest of eyes and long golden hair, he hoped she was truthful or the lawyers would come and he'd lock the girl up and then she'd be glum!

Judge WIcked E WItch: (Whispers) This is your last warning narrator! (Ahem!) Now, your Highness, you honestly believed that this young girl was going to spin you some gold, using a spinning wheel?

King: Of course! I'm the King, Nobody lies to the King!

Judge Wicked E WItch: (Rolls eyes) I can't believe your this naiive, I think you've got some part to play in all of this some where your highness, and I will find out what it is, maybe in my chambers afterwards?

Narrator: Your Honour!

Judge Wicked E WItch: Oh! The trial! Yes! Well Your Highness carry on!

King: Well, this old miller drags his daughter up to me and tells me that she can spin gold with this spinning wheel he was lugging with him, so I thought why not? The philosophers stone hadn't worked and that stuff we were pulling up from the rivers turned out to be this worthless! Something called Platinum!

Narrator: (Mutters) Idiot!

King: So, I thought why not, if after three days in the tower she doesn't deliver the goods I can always dump her in the dungeon somewhere, if we could find some space. And if she did it, well she's hot! So why not marry the girl? One could use someone who can spin gold!

Judge Wicked E Witch: Narrator if you please?

Narrator: The King speaks truth its all there, how he locked up the girl with the golden hair, she wept in the tower for a full three days but what happened next, who's to say? We should call the guy with the wrinkly chin, the one with the name of Rumplestiltskin!

Judge WIcked E Witch: Your highness your excused for now (wiggles her fingers in a girly wave) Bring in Rumplestiltskin!

The End

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