The People Vs. Rumplestiltskin

Bailiff: Approach the bench all those to do with case 2607, The People Versus Rumplestiltskin.

All rise for the honourable Judge Wicked E Witch.

(The Bailiff, a giant wolf, rumour has it he ate a girl, an old woman and an axe man. Once the fairytale government heard this he was given a fairly rugged job, the problem is he ate all of his co workers, at least in the court house he keeps his chops shut!)

Wicked E Witch: Be seated! Narrater if you'll enlighten us all please?

(The Judge, a green lady with an extremely embarassing skin condition, she is rumoured to be a witch, which she strongly denies, the only thing giving her away is the fact her gravel is a wand with a rock sellotaped to the end)


Gather around here young and old, this is a story of a man and his gold, his greed was so great that he searched and he sought, but gold was the one thing that couldn't be brought.

Now in a small village just east of here, the story of the man reached an old millers ear, the King, it was told, was in need of treasure and it made the old miller leap up in pleasure.

"Well its about time" The miller proclaimed, "I should claim whats mine, some land in my name!"

Now his daughter had heard and knew what was coming, some dastardly schemes which set her heart drumming.

(The narrater a skinny annoying man with tights and a lute)

Wicked E WItch: Is the rhyming nessecary?

Narrater: Well I thought it set the mood, I do it at every case!

Wicked E Witch: Lets just get started shall we? You! Miller! Get up here!

(The Miller, an old git with a bad B.O problem, he's sold off seven of his kids trying to get himself some status, problem is, with him selling the last one he's left with no one to run the mill)

The Old Miller: Yes your honour! (bows)

Wicked E Witch:    (Smarmy git) Ahem! Miller, would you mind telling me your part in all this?

The Old Miller: Well your most hounourable loveliness! I was running my mill, when I happened to catch rumour that our beloved King was searching for gold! And I being his courteous and most devoted servant tried my best to find some for him!

WIcked E Witch: Narrator, seems to me theres a couple of holes in this story, Why don't you fill us in?

Narrator: Of course your honour! (Ahem)

Now the old Miller thought for a while, he chuckeled in mirth at his sinister guile. He concocted a scheme he knew wouldn't fail, he'd sell him a girl and weave a tall tale.

The Old Miller: Lies! Nothing but likes your beautificness!

Narrator: Lies? Well I never! Honestly, some people have no eye for talent! Why don't you just let me finish?

He sent a message to our King that his daughter wove gold, and before you could say "Liar!" His daughter was sold. The conditions were this that she had but three days to weave the king gold or a slave.

Wicked E WItch: Mr.Miller! Evil is my middle name but that surely takes the biscuit! 

The Old Miller: What can I say? Times are hard for a miller! What with agricultures decline in the forest of doom and custom slowly declining, people just don't want to come round these parts! What with all the dragons and trolls causing chaos...its hard to make money!

WIcked E WItch: I've heard enough from you Mr. Miller, get off my stand! NEXT WITNESS!

Bailiff: Miss. Morinder Miller!



The End

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