“I’d say ‘fuck you’ but I’m pretty sure you’d enjoy it.” a minion laughed.

Woah, now we’re getting serious. I knew that I was royally fucked here, and not at all in a way I’d enjoy.

“I’d say something back, but I don’t want to disturb the growth of your second head.” I mocked Pizza Face, touching the spot on my forehead that mirrored the place where his disfigured tumor sprawled across his skin like a beached whale. “I think it’s finally asleep.” Cha-ching.

Pizza-face-Cyclops was taken aback, and even a couple of his friends laughed. I don’t think his ego was prepared for me to tell him that I wasn’t interested. But hey, I had to let him down somehow- for his own good. We can’t spend the rest of our lives dreaming.

“Fuck you, you ugly goth-ed out freak!” I think Evan was going to cry. “What, did you steal that lipstick from your mom?”

No, it was my sister’s.

“Actually it was yours.” I chuckled. “She let me borrow it after I ate her out.” Score, yet again.

Evan looked like he was about to explode. I heard Billy Brown, the more potato-shaped of his insurgents, crack his stubby knuckles and I braced myself, looking toward the small path that led out from the trails and into the school’s football field. I could have run if I’d tried hard enough. There was no doubt that I probably could have outrun the whole lot of those brain-dead, out-of-shape stoners. But I was anything far from a coward. If they wanted a fight there was no doubt I was going down. But I was certainly going down swinging. 

The End

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