A Weakness for MoronsMature

Taz’s actual name, as I found out the hard way, was Benjamin Tassimo- hence the “Taz,” I’m assuming. He was a young, smooth-talking guy who was far better-looking than his elder and had deep, piercing brown eyes and jet black hair that he slicked back with more grease than a Big Mac. He was a straight up Guido who reminded me of Pauly D from Jersey Shore. I never would have thought he was a Cuvvie, because what upstanding citizen of the law actually tans that much? Taz was good at his job, I guess, because I usually have a knack for seeing past people’s bullshit. My problem is simply that I don’t care.

Regardless, after the initial repulsion, the two of us had become “friends” I suppose, and that very misguided assessment was the reason why I was here. He had seen me and Johnny at Izzie’s on Halloween right before Johnny left. We went as Bonnie and Clyde which I thought was pretty hilarious. I put Faye Dunaway to shame. Taz had originally tried to pick the both of us up with some cheap-ass line about how my eyes resembled the stars or some shit. Johnny would have broken him in half if I didn’t intervene. He never let anyone else have a chance to play with his toys. Alright, maybe not never, but certainly not with some stuck-up orange prep like Taz. I didn’t even recognize him the without the eyeliner. He went as Dracula.

That should have been my first clue. Who the hell ever heard of a bronzed Dracula? I thought that one of the key points to being a vampire was that they couldn’t go out in the sunlight. Maybe he died of melanoma. Anyway, I never thought anything of it because, like I said, what kind of a stunted cop is that brazen and obvious? Or that lame?

But that lack of wit was actually a part of his charm, and fortunately, for him, I had a weakness for morons. A few weeks later, Johnny was gone, and I was sitting alone at the bar, and guess-who comes walking up? I sold him a gram of Blow for almost double what it was worth just because he wouldn’t stop pestering me. Yet again, I make a trend out of wasting the city’s hard-earned tax dollars. I suppose it’s a gift.

After that, Taz became one of my regulars- for a few things, actually.

The End

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