There’s never been a manual or a Do-It-Yourself guide of what to do when you die. What to do to stop the pain. There was never a lesson we took in school that prepared you for this.
There’s never been anything that sheds a little light on the fact that when you stab yourself in the heart, the lights don’t go out straight away.
I was in so much pain. But at the same time, I could sense it all slipping away. It was like falling asleep, but easier, there was no way to fight the coming darkness and I heard knocking on the bathroom door.
I coughed and saw blood spurt out of my mouth.
I took my hands off the warm scissors and touched my mouth. I shook with loss of blood and breathed in. It was getting harder. I took another breath and felt the air escaping as soon as I breathed in. I didn’t want it to end like this so I put my shaking cold and clammy hands back onto the slippery scissors.
I drove them in deeper. I gasped and heard my head hit the bathroom floor.
The aching in my heart grew inevitably.
I could have sworn that I saw Ali reaching out to me.
Everything blurred around me and I bit down hard on my lip to stop myself from screaming out to the world- to tell everyone how much this hurt.
I closed my eyes.
I drove the scissors in deeper one last time.
And then I could feel nothing.
I let the world disappear from my grasp.
Blankness engulfed me.