The Organ Showdown


CELESTIAL DAILY SUNDAY, MARCH 31st, 3030 - All major media outlets are converging on New Buenos Aires to transmit, 3d, consume, market, and bear witness to what should become known as the biggest sporting event in 500 years. Not since the Transformers agreed to the transplanetary Dance Dance Revolution / We Cheer X-off in 2512 has the universe been set for such a cataclysmic event.

Bruce Jenner V, one of the oldest iterations of near-organic-jocks and co-inventor of the proceedings, conceded during the opening ceremonies that this was going to be "...something even kids generations from now will look back on in awe. It's been getting to the point that people have been running out of non-virtual things to watch in the reality domain, and when I presented this to the networks they just started slavering all over it."

Genetic marvels, biophysics, and perhaps an accident resulted in the first of the coveted sentient organ line from GeneGrowers Inc in 2198, but none of them were able to survive outside of nutrient baths or their hosts until Charlie Newton, one of the 7th generation implants in GeneGrowers' sentient stomach line, petitioned for civil rights recognition in front of the Milky Way Supreme Court in 2405.

"This is a long time coming," said Angus Thraxton, a 12th generation adrenal gland. "The 1st Annual Terran Organ Showdown will put the amazing abilities of all the sentient organs on display for the universe, and may the best organ win."

The first events in the Organ Showdown begin Monday night with various heart-related events, including the arrhythmia aversion trials. Blair Guttmannsdottir of Iceland is the favorite despite mitral valve prolapse that was somehow missed during her generation.

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