Rules For Irony

Rule #1 If you have a lisp, it will be difficult to use the word “lisp” to describe your affliction.


Rule #2 Staring into a mirror makes for deeper self-reflection.

Rule #3 Camels humping on Wednesday should be considered too much of a good thing.

Rule #4 Peeing on a fire hydrant while your dog watches is considered animal abuse.

Rule #5 It is not ok to tell people that Van Gogh talked people’s ears off.

Rule #6 The phrase “nothing is absolute,” by definition, is not absolute.

Rule #7 If you are a wordsmith, eating Alphabits for breakfast will make you late for work.

Rule #8 Drinking milk from a lactose intolerant cow will cause several stomach issues.

Rule #9 An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but there is no food to make the cable guy show up.

Rule #10 It is not ok to tell people that Ghandi just had an aversion to Indian food.

Rule #11 You cannot spend your future living a past life.

Rule #12 If you eat melted frozen yogurt, it is not the same as eating yogurt.

Rule #13 Accidentally bump dialing someone does not count as an unconscious effort to solve a life without connection.

Rule #14 It is not ok to tell people that David Copperfield is delusional.

Rule #15 Having dreams about Martin Luther King’s speech is a good way to become confused.

Rule #16 Having liquid assets does not mean having drinks after the market closes.

Rule #17 Cows can be vegetarians but venus fly-traps cannot.

Rule #18 It is not ok to miss your AA meeting to make your driver’s exam.

Rule #19 Children in China shouldn’t have to learn cursive too.

Rule #20 It is unnecessary to google Chinese cursive to see if it does!

Rule #21 Masturbation under a rainbow will not make you go color blind.


The End

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