Rule #1: When a teacher says "study," they really mean, "cram the day before the test."
Rule #2: Just say "no," unless the answer to the question happens to be "yes."
Rule #3: Contrary to how it may seem, the world is not out to get you. It's out to get a microscopic dust particle on your shirt and you just get caught in the crossfire.
Rule #4: Listen to your parents. *
Rule #5: When in doubt, force an unwilling friend to accompany you.
Rule #5: If it seems like your life is terrible, it's only because of your crazy, raging hormones. **
Rule #6: The word "homework," is actually a distortion of the word "homoewok." This refers to a small Star Wars character that looks exactly the same as the last one you just saw. The connection is that every bit of homework is exactly the same, and is sometimes cute and furry.
Rule #7: Sports are overrated. Having school spirit is lame, anyways.
Rule #8: If confronted by an angry-looking adult, immediately cry, "I didn't do it!" If you did do it, you're automatically freed from suspicion, and if you didn't, well, who says you're not honest?
Rule #9: Diaries are easily accessed and often contain much blackmail on you. Sobbing to your dog is often much more effective.
Rule #10: The world is out to get you. I was just trying to make you feel better.
* Not applicable if they happen to be asleep, delusional, or just plain dumb at the time
** Untrue if your life does, in fact, suck.