9 am, the morning of what is to be an extortioantely long day, another day identical to yesterday, a taunting mirror image of tomorrow. Entering through the glowering doors always takes a couple of my feeble attempts, throwing my arms into the handle, sarcastically labelled "push", as if I wouldn't have guessed that. I prolonged sigh escapes me as I gather up my folders form the basement and scuttle to the various desks around the office. High ceilings, in place to make the disgustingly modern hell-hole of solitude appear benevolent, are lined with unforgiving lights, enlightening the others all around me, but somehow, I remain in the dead of night. As always, the loner, the quiet one, or often just the geek with all the folders; that's my favourite nickname, it makes me feel so, oh i don't know, celebrated? Loved? Correction: invisible. I always have been. I suppose I've grown accustomed to it, it's not that I don't enjoy my own company, simply that I wouldn't mind someone else sometimes; to escape that vindictive conscience of mine.
I snap back to reality as I collide with Katie, the secretary from the front desk. "Watch it" she hissed. Fantastic. Papers spread across the floor, the marble twinkling with sickening ridicule as I scramble for my composure and the contents of those bloody files. A tentative glance up through my invisibilty cloak of my hair assures me that as usual, no one had even noticed my embarrising struggle on the floor. NO offers of help, no sympathetic smies, not even a snigger at my mortified expressions. Nothing.
After eventually gathering myself and the folders off the scowling floor, my line of vision falls across the seemingly endless rows of desks. The faux-oak tops reflect the austere lighting onto my ashen skin. Th bleak chairs scrape painfully against the cold marble, answering the creaking of drawers that calls out to all around.
I dart between the sea of allof furniture, watching my not so dainty fee twist this way and that. Voices surround me, no, I'm not insane, its real people, they just aren't talking to me. Around me? Yes. Over me? yes. BUt to me? never.