Chapter 1Mature

They're twins. Fraternal. He's obsessive and she's submissive. They both love fashion, and this passion leads them to join the eccentric club in Beauchamp University--the Beautiful Club--where all beauties in the school gather together for narcissism, led by the most narcissistic person on earth, David Beauchamp. But what if the twin brother's in love to a woman? And the twin sister's in love to her own brother? Does it even exist, that kind of love?
*based on my FF story of Kaoru's Notes

We were twins. Fraternal. We were so perfectly similar that if I cut my hair short it would be hard to distinguish us. I was  beautiful. He was handsome. Both of us were intelligent, and like other twins, we shared different personality.

He was possessive over me.

I was submissive to him. 

We were twins and no one could change this fact. I didn’t want it any other way because it was the only claim I could brag about. It was the only connection I had with him. We had a reason to stay together. A reason to be happy.

I believed we should stay together no matter what happens in the future. We’ve been together for seventeen years. We saw each other’s smiles and cries. And because we grew up together, I believed we knew each other very well. I was confident I could read his mind. He made me believed that he could read mine, too.

He would call me Chaise and I would call him Charlie. People called us the Darlington Twins. I believed that we were connected in every single thing. I believed we owned each other. Charlie owned me. I owned Charlie.

We were different from the other people. We were different from the other twins. We had our own world. In that world there was only him and me. It was a happy world where no one was to enter, supposedly. We relied to each other ever since we were kids. I believed it was going to be like that until the day we die.

But I was just too confident.

I thought I was right. But I was wrong.

Irisha came. And I was all wrong. She entered my Charlie’s world. Ever since she came, our exclusive world was then gone. It was not exclusive anymore. An intruder came.

Ever since my world began I thought Charlie was mine alone. But I was wrong. I thought I was his most important person because we were twins. But I was mistaken. I was confident we didn’t need anyone else other than each other. That was shattered.

Too much, too wrong.

Twins, huh?

I smiled pathetically as I scribbled down on my notes.

“What are you writing, Chaise?” Charlie asked while he tried to peek on my notes, but I closed it. He was my twin brother. His hair was naturally red and he liked it tousled. His red locks fell on his reddish brows, and his beautiful face was always shimmering under the heat of the sun. He had a pair of green eyes similar to mine. When I looked at him, it was like I was looking at myself.

I stared at him in my usual way. Our identical eyes met and I said, “Nothing. I’m just bored, you know.”

I saw him knit his brows. But I wasn’t alarmed. I had grown familiarity to that dramatic expression of his. He started frowning at me ever since Irisha came. It became his habit. And I wondered if he realized it.

“You’re bored?” He repeated. “Since when did you feel bored when you’re with me, Chaise?” His voice suddenly became petulant.

‘Since you started dating Irisha. Every time you’re with her you always bring me with you. You take advantage of my submissiveness. What do you think of I am, your pet? I’m your twin sister!’

He stared awkwardly at me and it was killing me. I sighed. I decided to disregard his question. I just opened my notes again. I scribbled down random things. But I was careful he would not see it. I scribbled and scribbled just to get away from those alien eyes. Those familiar yet alien eyes. Yes, because he grew distant from me when Irisha came to his life, our life.

“Why are you bored?” He asked again.

“I don’t know. I’m just bored right now.” In the end, I answered Charlie.

He peeked into my notes and I covered it with my other hand. It added more curiosity in him. But that’s what I really wanted—to get his full attention. This time I was expecting that he would insist. But I was wrong.

“Fine. If you don’t want to share it with me, who cares? I’ll better buy a drink.” He raised his voice at me. I think it was the hundredth time just this day. I counted it, really, huh. I was such a freak.

I had a sickness. People call it a brother complex. I was obsessed with Charlie. I grew up in a thought that he’s the only person I could rely on. He made me this way. However, when he fell in love with Irisha, he wasn’t the same person anymore.

Irisha was lovely. I knew that I was beautiful because Charlie was a handsome man. I was his twin sister so I must look beautiful, too. But I always thought that Irisha was prettier. She was cuter, too.

She wore lovely, stylish dresses. I always wore male pants. And a polo shirt. I wouldn’t wear dress in front of other people except Charlie. Not because I wanted it, but because Charlie wanted so. And well, because I grew up with Charlie, I loved shoes and sneakers. I was always attracted to sandals but I never wanted to wear them.

“Chaise! Come over here—look!” Irisha shouted at me, waving her hands from the shore. Whenever I looked at her, what I see was an intruder. Because of her Charlie forgot how to read my thoughts. His thoughts were now filled with Irisha, Irisha and Irisha.

It was so sickening.

They were dating for five months already. But they were not really a couple. They were just dating. It was more like friendly dates, I guess. Charlie was courting her several months after she joined our eccentric club in school. In a way I felt bad for my twin brother, because Irisha could not commit yet. But they’re getting there. After all, I would not blame Irisha if she falls in love with Charlie.

Whatever.

Whether they’re dating or not wasn’t a big deal to me.

Charlie could date any girl he wanted. I would not stop him. If he wanted to marry then I would support him. I would be happy for him. But why did he have to become so distant? I wouldn’t mind if he ended up with Irisha. But I hated it whenever he would choose Irisha first over me. I always felt like he was slowly abandoning me. I always thought it was not fair.

He didn’t need to ignore me whenever she’s around. He shouldn’t yell at me whenever he felt grumpy because Irisha would sometimes refuse to see him. He shouldn’t throw his tantrums at me because Irisha would sometimes smile at David. More importantly, he didn’t need to pretend that he needed me all the time. I could not really feel it from him now.

Sometimes, Charlie would throw his frustrations at me because Irisha hadn’t returned his feelings yet. I thought Irisha liked him, too. But I just, well, had this feeling that Irisha liked David more. I was not sure but why did I care? I didn’t like her, anyway.

Charlie would often take Irisha to different places. And he always wanted me to go with them. Always dragging me along. He said he wouldn’t know what to do without me. He was a jerk.

Charlie didn’t like it when he’s dating Irisha and I was left by myself. That’s why he would always ask me to go with him. And I would always end up abiding his wants. He said I must go with him because he couldn’t imagine me alone in some place. Honestly, it wasn’t for my sake, it was for his sake. Because you see, Charlie’s possessive. And I hated myself because I could not refuse Charlie.

Whenever they’re having a date—going to cinemas, eating pancakes at home, dining at restaurants, you name it—I was always out of place. I could not catch up to their lovey-dovey mode. I was with them but I felt like I wasn’t with them.

Charlie would not even glance at me. He was head over heels on Irisha. When they date, sometimes they forgot that I was with them. Sometimes I thought Charlie was an idiot. He always looked like he didn’t need me. That’s why I always wondered why he wanted my presence.

Sometimes I wondered, too, did he purposely do that to make me jealous? To make me understand that he didn’t need me anymore? He just didn’t have the courage to say it himself? So he was just showing it to me?

If that’s the case then he’s cruel. Because I needed Charlie. I needed my twin brother and I needed him to consider my feelings just like before. But perhaps he didn’t need me anymore. He might thought I was annoying now. But I needed him. Because he was my only brother. My twin brother.

If he could live without me, I couldn’t.

Even if he would hate me, I wouldn’t hate him. I promised him that I would stay at his side no matter what. So I would never leave his side unless if…he would push me away.

I didn’t want to hate Irisha. She was actually nice and smart. Occasionally, Charlie and I would make pranks at school and we would dress ourselves identically. I would always dressed up as a man because Charlie didn’t like to dressed up as a woman. And Irisha was the only person who could tell which was Charlie and which was Chaise. Ah. Sometimes David, too. But we always tricked him. He would always end up confused. He was a funny, easy guy.

Well, David was an important person in our family. He was the only son of Arnaud Beckery Jean Beauchamp, a conglomerate in France. They also owned the prestigious university that Charlie and I were attending. I called him Mr. Beckery, because well, that was simpler to me.

We’ve known David ever since we were ten. We became acquainted with him because of his family. Charlie and I considered him as someone we were acquainted to. He was not really a friend to us. Although it might appear that way.

He was older than us. He was twenty. We’re seventeen. His neat hair was blonde and his beautiful eyes were blue. He was French. He was handsome and elegant and he was really tall. But he was stupid most of the time. He had a crazy character hiding in his sleeves. Sometimes Charlie and I liked him. Sometimes we didn't.

David was the current president of our eccentric club in Beauchamp University. It was called the “Beautiful Club.” His older sister, Elaine, founded the club when she was still attending school. Mr. Beckery would allow whatever they want on a condition that they would do his wants after they complete their studies. Well, I thought Mr. Beckery and our father were the same. They were both tyrants. Such fathers were scary people.

It was so funny that a girl like me, who wore branded pants and sneakers, was majoring in fashion design. People found it funny and ironic but I didn't care. I wasn’t born to please people. I was born only to please Charlie. Charlie, on the other hand, was majoring business. He was Dad’s successor, you know. But Charlie didn't like it. Just like me, he loved fashion.

Charlie and I entered Beautiful Club because we loved fashion. We thought it was the best club for us because they do costume playing and photo shoots. The club’s primary purpose was to gather beautiful men and women inside the university. If you’re beautiful, you’re in.

The club itself was really discriminating. But that’s how Elaine founded it. David said she was narcissistic. And so was he. I thought everyone in the club had a narcissistic side. Everyone has. But, well, no one could beat David’s.

Beautiful Club could only cater twenty students per semester. Members were ranked, too. You were ranked according to your popularity and beauty. So aside from beauty, you better be friendly.

The rankings were determined by how popular you were previously. Online polls were necessary. If you maintain your beauty and rank, you remain in the club. Otherwise, someone who was more beautiful and more popular than you were would take your place.

We did photo shoots in the club and we auctioned it online. We would profit from it. The more beautiful shoots you have, the more popular you are. Before the semester would end, the hearts and votes you received online would be counted. It would determine whether you remain in the club or not.

If your ratings sink below 80% , you’re kicked out.

You’re not beautiful anymore.

That’s how it works.

Miraculously, Charlie and I survived our positions for two consecutive years. Irisha joined the club a year after us. She was surviving till now. But I thought that if it wasn’t for David’s influence, she wouldn’t make it. She was David’s favorite person, you know.

Similarly, if it wasn’t for Charlie’s handsomeness and charisma, I also wouldn’t make it. But because I was his twin sister, I was also favored by the crowd. Oh, most of our fans were females. Charlie’s fans.

“Chaise!” I jerked in surprise when I heard Irisha’s voice.

Shoot. I almost forgot that we’re still on the beach. Why were we on the beach? Charlie and Irisha decided to have fun. I was just dragged along. As always.

I lifted my face up to look where she was. I found her sitting next to me. I hated her. She stole my brother from me. But she smiled at me and I was defeated. I really, really, hated her. But I also couldn’t hate her. How could I hate such a nice person?

Sometimes I thought she had casted a magic spell on me. You see, I hated her, but this hatred would disappear when she would smile at me. She would call my name the way Charlie called me years ago. And no matter where I looked at it, she was nothing but friendly. If she wasn’t the apple of Charlie’s eyes, we could have been best of friends.

“Where’s Charlie?” She asked.

“He went to buy some drinks.” I said and she curled her tiny arms around her knees.

She looked at me and asked, “You always bring a notebook with you. But even Charlie is not allowed to look at it, right?”

I returned her stares with mine.

“I use it to dispatch boredom.” I tapped my pen on my blue notebook.

“You’re bored?” She gasped. “I thought you like it here with us!”

I didn’t like it at all. They’re dating and having fun in front of me! Sometimes I felt like I was just ruining their lovey-dovey dates! And I always hated Charlie for tagging me along. He wouldn’t even look at me when Irisha’s talking to him.

I was getting bored of it. All of it.

I wished we never met her.

I have my limitations, too. If Charlie planned to keep it like this, how would I find my future boyfriend? He was so unfair.

“I love it, but you know,” I started, she was waiting at my next words. When she stared at me innocently, I had a small thought. She was like David. She was innocently stupid at times. This thought made me smile. Because when I think of David, I couldn’t help but laugh.

I composed myself and said to her, “Well, I’m just ruining your dates with Charlie. I don’t have to be here. I’m afraid you might mistaken this for being so possessive over him.”

In a little way, I was possessive over Charlie. I didn't like it if people steal his time from me. But among us, Charlie was more possessive.

This kind of setup wasn’t my fault. It was Charlie who insisted that I should go with him. Ever since Irisha came there were times that I couldn’t read his mind. She disturbed both of us—a lot.

“Charlie said you wanted to join with us.” She said and I was agape.

I widened my eyes at her.

She added, “Don’t tell me he forced you? Is he possessive over you?” She caught my hands and enclosed them with hers. She looked like a worried friend and I didn’t know why. We’re not friends. We just happen to know each other. That's what I always believed.

“It isn't like that, Irisha!” I pulled my hands from her grasp. Then I laughed to ease the sudden tension. I didn’t want her to think of Charlie that way.

“Irisha!” Charlie called and we turned to him. He was standing in front of us. In his hands there were three cans of cold drinks. It was strange but I felt nervous.

He handed a can to Irisha but his glaring eyes didn’t left mine. I felt like crying. Why would he glare at me like that? I didn’t do anything wrong.

I lowered my head to focus myself on the beach sand. I felt like crying but I had to suppress it. He was torturing me recently. If he wouldn’t yell at me, he would stare at me angrily. I didn’t even know why. Ever since he fell in love with Irisha he became a different person.

“Vanilla! Thanks, Charlie.” Irisha said and she handed me my share.

Charlie sat beside her. And he was smiling not to me. He was smiling at Irisha.

I felt the pang in my chest. He was smiling at her the way he did to me when we still had our own world. He changed. He wouldn’t smile at me like that anymore unless we’re in school.

Why was Charlie acting this way?

He didn’t need me anymore, did he?

But I need you Charlie. You’re the only treasure that I have. You’re the only one who understands me. You’re my twin brother. But ever since Irisha came…you're cold to me.

I saw them laughing. I lowered my head and let my curly bangs cover my eyes. I didn’t want them to see the jealousy in my eyes.

I moved a little to distance myself from Irisha. Just a little farther. Just a small space that would separate me from them. Then I opened my notebook and started scribbling down. Yes, I just wanted to ease the pain. And I wanted to let go of this jealousy.

I was getting bored. I wanted to believe I was bored. Don’t mind them. Just don’t mind them. Yes, you’re doing good, Chaise.

***

The End

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