The NoteMature

As the pen hits the paper you know this is it. These words will count for everything and nothing all at once...

Helena, a young 18 year old girl living in Doncaster, South Yorkshire, England, is about to committ suicide. Cheery subject right? Read as her story unfolds, start at the end is the beginning of everything...



As the pen hits the paper you know this is it. These words will count for everything and nothing all at once; my words are exactly that, they’re MINE, for me to share with the world on this one scrap of paper. A lot of thought went into the process leading up to this note; I had to consider how the deed would be done, when and what the repercussions of it would be. Sometimes selfishness is a funny thing, it takes over all other instincts and all other worry for people’s feelings. You suddenly want something for YOU and only YOU and you don’t want anyone else to be involved, you don’t want to care. The note is the explanation everyone will be looking for, my motives, my reasons, my goodbyes.

                    It’s a strange feeling as you write; it’s both calming and deeply saddening all at once. You have to contemplate what you’re leaving and whether or not that out weighs where you’re going. In my circumstances life here is certainly worth leaving for something better, something peaceful and easy. Easy. That’s a funny word; it can mean an easy question on a test, completing an easy task. It’s an important word to me, easy has never been something I’ve had, it’s always been something I’ve longed for. Easy makes life run smoothly, placidly, no hiccups or speed bumps to darken the way. That’s what I look forward to most.


I suppose you’re going to want to know why I’m sat here now, poised and waiting to write what I suppose will be a farewell to this life. You’ll want to know what catastrophic event brought me to the edge, to the break point. Honestly; I don’t think I could tell you myself what it was, when the tip occurred. I guess its like filling up a jug, you put more and more water into it until it overflows, until it can’t take anymore. It’s the same with people, we fill up and up with more emotions, problems, dilemmas and bad situations, some people can expand to this and deal with these everyday occurrences; others (such as myself) break. We break like a child pulling limbs off a Barbie doll, like dropping a vase from a great height, like throwing a plate across a kitchen… I think you get the message. Not everyone can take the pressure of life and these small events eventually send us poor souls to our demise.


I think the problems began last year in May…

The End

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