This is the first of the guest posts. Yay! Thanks, TheJackster, for giving me the honor of doing the first one! I hope I can make it as nonsensical and illogical as you have so proudly done!
We now continue with our scheduled story.
We last left our hero TheJackster, AKA Jack, in the midst of a terrible war with a smart-ass ninja.
Well, not exactly. Seeing as the ninja was still busy talking about himself and Jack and how honorable it would be to kill him, the war hadn't exactly started yet.
Jack, trying to war the most interested expression he could muster(but not really managing it) had smartly started to discreetly walk around the store looing for a weapon. He looked on the first shelf, then above it, and then below it. And what he found lying below the shelf put his heart a-flutter.
Jack grabbed the oreos, and then, to his heart's joy, found a weapong taped to the side of it. A plastic fork came free with the oreos!
(Why the oreo company would give a plastic fork free with oreos, the packet did not state anywhere.)
"Well," the ninja said nastily as he observed Jack jumping for joy at the sight of oreos, "You see that I wasn't lying. We are not out of oreos." The ninja then sighed, and took out a gamma ray blaster. Or it may have been an oversized pen. Our dear friends Jack was not sure.
"I hope it's just a gamma ray blaster," he said to himself, thinking back at the incident when his little brother had thrown a pen at him, and he had gotten a boo-boo. The incident had occurred at the tender age of 6, and had so given him a chronic case of penophobia.
Alas, our hero was unlucky. It was a pen. "Aha!" the ninja exclaimed. "I shall now impale you with this ink spurting writing device!"
"Why would you say ink spurting writing device? It's... seven syllables long! And pen is only one syllable long!" mused Jack as he counted off syllables on his fingers. "Pen would be so much easier!" Noticing that the ninja was preceding to vault the pen at him, he threw the plastic fork as far as he could, which was about two metres.
"Aww, nuts!" cried Jack, as he realized that he'd missed his target. He was aiming for the ninja's eyes, instead it had impaled his arm, and forced him to drop the pen. Now, he was bawling on the floor.
"Hmmm," Jack thought, as he sensibly ran out of the store. "I have to practice my aim.