The lampoonie is known to frequent desks, kitchens, and drawers where people toss their loose change. It is a small creature, resembling nothing more than a large soup spoon with a booklamp attached, rolling around on four Canadian dollar coins (known as loonies because of the image of the loon on the reverse side), but the observer would be well advised not to underestimate it simply because of its size.

The lampoonie can rumble along at speeds of up to twenty-six miles per hour and can blind and scoop its prey on the run. As its favorite prey is the wild dust bunny, the lampoonie thrives in environments where cleaning is merely an occasional thing. Such environments also tend to produce fruit flies, which are a delicacy for the lampoonie and a challenge to its blinding and scooping skills.

Editors Note: A blinded fruit fly is a truly pathetic sight.

Attempts at domestication have met with only limited success, as persons giving food to a lampoonie have found, in general, that the creatures attempt to blind them and scoop out their ankles. Sunglasses and workboots seem the only workaround to this problem.

It is not an agressive creature, however, and it is more often than not a help to persons who don't have a lot of time for cleaning, so the domestication issues are probably well worth the effort.

The lampoonie is an amusing and fascinating creature. The rumble of its loonie-wheels on a hardwood floor can be quite soothing, and the sight of it ducking in and out from under beds and dressers is whimsical beyond words. It will no doubt soon grace the landscape of many homes, providing much-needed dust consumption and hours of entertainment for the entire family.

The End

18 comments about this story Feed