Umbridge SucksMature

The next day Lily awoke, still in her little hiding spot.  She wondered why no one had woken her or told her to move.  Either way, she was grateful for not being disturbed.  Her stomach rumbled loudly.  She found on top of her book the schedule which Dumbledore had promised to give her yesterday evening.  she smiled and read over it; Defense Against the Dark Arts was first and she was pleased about that, something she could practice and show how skilled she was with spells.

Lily decided to leave her book in the little nook under the portrait, hoping she'd remember how to find it again.  She got up, stretched, and walked down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

She decided today she would sit with the Gryffindors, with Harry and his friends.  When she walked towards them, they all looked up and stared at her.

"Hi," she said.  "I'm Lily.  Can I sit -- "

"Yes!" said Ron.  Fred, George and Seamus all nodded their heads vigorously.  Hermione sighed and Harry had a look of deepest contempt on his face.  Lily sat between Hermione and Fred, trying to control her smile at Harry's disgust.  She found it amusing.

"I'm Lily," she repeated.  "Lily Snape."

"Snape?!" said Ron.  "You mean, like, Proffessor Snape?"

"That's the one," Lily said with a smile.

"How could Snape produce -- " Ron made a motion like he was fanning himself, to indicate hotness.  Lily grinned.

"Who's your mother?" asked George.

"Who would wanna -- you know -- with Snape?" asked Seamus.  She saw George cringe as if he were imagining it.

"Harry, you really haven't told them?" said Lily.

"Haven't told us what?" asked Hermione.  "Harry, what's going on?  What's she talking about?"

"Well, um...I didn't really know how to -- it's..."  Lily laughed as Harry tried and failed to explain to his friends why he hadn't told them.

"I'm Harry's half-sister," said Lily proudly.

"What?" they all said simultaniously.  Lily laughed again.

"How old are you?" asked Hermione.

"Nineteen," said Lily.  And so she told them all the story -- or what she knew of it anyway -- about Lily and Severus and Lily abandoning her, the centaurs, and how she ended up at Hogwarts. "And," she said excitedly, "today I get to start classes!"

"What year are you going to be taking classes with?" asked Hermione.

"Seventh years."

"Ohh," said Fred, scooting akwardly close to her.  "So I guess we'll be seeing a lot of eachother then, eh?" he said with a wink.  Lily giggled.

"Yeah, I guess we will," she said, smiling.  She knew it was just flirting that wouldn't amount to anything since Fred already had his girl, but she still enjoyed it.

After she finished her breakfast, Fred offered to help her find her way to class.

"Who teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

"Professor Umbridge," said Fred.  "She's a bitch.  Sent here by the Ministry to keep an eye on Dumbledore...or at least, that's what the rumours are.  The Ministry claims she's just checking up on Hogwarts, making sure everything's good for the kids and whatnot."

"Is she that one lady who wears pink?"

"Yup," said Fred.  "Don't wanna get on her bad side."

"Why, what's she do?"

"Well, I heard your brother mouthed her off one day and she had him write with some quill that carved the words into his hand."

"Ouch!" said Lily.  "She sounds absolutely dreadful."

"And a dreadful teacher," Fred continued.  "She just has us read.  Read and read and never practice anything.  We don't learn at all!"

"That's horrible," said Lily,  wondering how any teacher could be so neglectant.  They walked through the large doors of Umbridge's classroom.

Lily sat with Fred.  "George doesn't take Defense Against the Dark Arts?" she asked.

"He does, but he's got some other class now, so they put him in with the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs."

"Oh," said Lily.

Umbridge stood at the front of the room and tapped on her desk with her wand for the class' attention.

"Okay, class.  today you will be reading Chapter 12 in your textbooks.  Turn to page one hundred thirty-four."

Lily opened her book to 134 and started reading.

The patronus charm is an advanced spell, that can be used to ward off Dementors.  Of course, this sort of magic would never be neccissary because a Dementor's sole duty is guarding Azkaban prison and would never attack an innocent civillian . . .

Lily raised her hand.

"Yes, Miss Snape?" said Umbridge.

"This book says Dementors are harmless," said Lily.

"Yes, Miss Snape?" repeated Umbridge.

"Well, that's not true, Dementors aren't harmless.  Dementors are dangerous creatures."

"Dementors don't ever attack innocent wizards and witches."

"Yes, they do!" she argued.  "Just two years ago they attacked Harry Potter!  And again this year!  Voldemort used them last time he rose to power -- "

"DO NOT SPEAK THAT NAME IN MY CLASSROOM.  Continue reading, I don't want to hear another argument from you again, Miss Snape."

Lily frowned and looked back down at her book.

Patronuses can be conjured in two forms: corporeal and non-corporeal.  Corporeal Patronuses are those that take on the shape of an animal, and non-corporeal Patronuses which do not take shape of any living creature.  The animal the Patronus will appear as varies from wizard to wizard.  Corporeal Patronuses are more difficult to cast and require more concentration.  The Patronus charm can also be used to send messages to another witch or wizard.  Though, most witches and wizards turn to their owls and write letters rather than use a Patronus charm.  Knowing this, we can conclude that the Patronus charm is a useless spell, outdated and only used for fun.

"Patronuses aren't useless!" said Lily!  "This chapter was!  This whole chapter on Patronuses and it didn't even explain how to do the spell!"

"That's because you won't ever need to use the spell," said Umbridge, trying to hold her temper.

"What if we're being attacked?!" said Lily.  "It's good to know spells!"

"You won't be attacked.  Who would want to attack children anyway?"

"LOADS OF PEOPLE!  Death Eaters!  Voldemort!  Or just plain bad people!"

"DO. NOT. SPEAK. HIS. NAME. EVER!"

"Voldemort! Voldemort!  Voldemor, Voldemort, Voldemort!"

"MISS SNAPE!" yelled Umbridge, who had lost any hope of controlling her temper; her face was as pink as the dress she wore.

"You're a dreadful teacher!  And these books are rubbish!" Lily continued.  "I mean, you can't honestly expect us to learn anything this way!  You can only learn so much from reading, you have to actually try the spells!  You have to DO SOMETHING to learn something!"  She stood up, wand out.  "Like this: Expecto Patronum!" she yelled.  A massive silver hippogriff burst from the end of her wand and soared around the room, bounding on the bookshelves and flying around in circles.  The whole classroom roared in applause.

Umbridge flicked her wand and the Patronus disintegrated mid-air. The room fell silent and Lily sat shrank back down into her seat.

"This classroom will remain orderly.  Miss Snape, I will see you this evening for detention.  You will return to your books immediatly," said Umbridge.  She'd won, and Lily knew it.  Lily burried her face in her book even though she'd already finished the chapter.

"Don't worry," said Fred.  "The other teachers are nicer than her, you'll enjoy them."

The End

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