Mrs Conrad: Can everybody please proceed to the pitch at the front of the school, AND GET THERE NOW!
(Whole school is assembled in seconds)
Random Slag in the Crowd: WHAT'S GOING ON!
Chantelle: Shift out the way Sarah, non-Gingers get to go to the front.
Sarah: You know what, I've decided.
Rhys: On what?
Sarah: I'm no longer tolerating this oppression on Ginger people, I'm going to start standing up for our rights!
Rhys: Sarah thinking like that is forbidden.
Sarah: Well I have had it up to here, with hiding my hair, and all the oppression we face. I will find fellow Gingers and we will rebel!
Chantelle: LOL! ginger thinking she has rights!
Chaniqua: God this is funny.
Sarah: Laugh all you want, but this time the rebellion begins for real!
Jack: Wow Florence were in a tightly packed crowd and you're not drawing attention to yourself.
Florence: I want to turn and a new leaf and be, well normal.
Jack: Florence you're a scream you know?
Florence: I'm serious, after seeing Helpless TA go off the rails, If I keep on trying to act superior to people... Well I don't want that to happen, I can be modest and humble.
Jack: Who are you and what have you done with Florence McKinney?
Florence: Listen to me Jack Henshell! I am going to try and be normal just for once.
Aaron: Well everyone has to try and break out of their comfort zones sometimes.
Gordon: I LIKE MY COMFORT ZONE!
John: Gordon you're outbursts are fake and gay.
Thomas: John Walker, why don't you try and do something different for a change all you ever say, to anything that moves, is that it's fake and gay.
John: Nahhhhh man, that idea is fake and gay.
Sanjay: Is fake and Gay, fake and Gay?
John: That's fake and Gay.
Asif: Asif that's fake and Gay.
Imogen: Bleedin' heck! You're driving me crazy!
John: Stop being so fake and gay Imogen.
Imogen: I suppose your one of those internet trolls, right John?
John: No that's…
Imogen: “Fake and Gay” we get the point.
Dean: So, Lucy do I make a better Boyfriend than Elliot?
Lucy: Dean it's not nice to compare boyfriends, but you do kiss me more...
Elliot: Are you trying to wind me up?!
Dean: No (hoping it does, so Elliot can fight him and then Dean can get in a fight and have an excuse to look tough)
Elliot: Dean, I told you I don't want to stalk Lucy anymore.
Lucy: Elliot, why?
Elliot: Why?! listen here you manipulative…
Lucy: Not that, you and Dean used to get on so well and now you have broken apart, can't you sort it out?
Dean and Elliot: No.
Lucy: Listen, I hate the fact I'm getting between you two and half the time I wish we were all just friends again,
Elliot: Well that is never going to happen.
Imogen: Nice to see the year's back to normal. One flaming rollercoaster after another hey Greg?
Greg: Yeah, I guess so, how are you doing Imogen?
Imogen: Better, yourself?
Greg: Yeah I'm copin'.
Helpless TA: You wouldn't be coping if my plan had succeeded! You'd all be burning in hell!
George: Yeah well, it didn't so jog on.
(Helpless TA groans at this, she has been chained to Chelsea, so she can't jog on, even if she tried, when Chelsea says she can't breathe Helpless TA must suffer her every second of the day).
Chelsea: CAN'T BREATHE!
Helpless TA: Breathe in, breathe out! GOD I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!
Mrs Conrad: Music to my ears… right everyone quiet!
(Whole school shuts up)
Mrs Conrad: Owing to the rather chaotic events in past few weeks, thanks to the arrival of a certain somebody…
(Whole school looks at Greg)
Greg: (Exasperated) Oh come on.
Imogen: I'm new to you know..
Mrs Conrad: Yes but it was not you, who caused a pink car to get mobbed, or the school to be destroyed, all because some parasitic psychopaths wanted you.
Greg: Well excuse me for being me.
Mrs Conrad: You should it's embarrassing, now after the flaming roaster coaster… walkie talkie’s in Ouija boards, weird things in general, that happened last week. I can tell you all, that there will be no school lessons in this fortnight!
(Cheers from everyone)
Mr Masterbate: YIPEE! More time to molest the chil… I mean… err take a holiday without interruption!
Miss Lofty: I can visit the sheep, now I was gonna say there's only like 3 of us teachers here, we like need more after this fortnight.
Mrs Conrad: Yes well pointed out dumbo the flying elephant, anyhow for next two weeks it will begin… yes the Penti-Present Tournament will occur in Mortdale!
John: Sounds Fake and Gay.
Thomas: Like everything in your life John.
Chantelle: EXPLAIN THE RULES ALREADY!
Mrs Conrad: Rules are simple… officials of the town are trying to coax some authority and value of hard work into you (laughs) anyhow... (thinking) as if the authorities will be able to do that.
Greg: This sounds… interestin'.
Mrs Conrad: Anyhow this tournament has been set up by officials in Mortdale, between the five main rival schools within Mortdale, White View, well were residing at St. Amanda's, but we are still White View. Black Crest! St. John's. Mortdale Secondary School and Greenwood academy.
Greg: Hey George what are those other three schools like?
George: Well St. John's is pretty dull, Mortdale Secondary school is said to be, the second most chaviest school in Mortdale after Black Crest of course, and Greenwood is in the posh area of town we like to call “the bubble”.
Greg: Why call it bubble?
George: Cause they live in a world of their own.
Mrs Conrad: Each school will select five “Competitors” to represent them at this tournament; there will be Five Challenges, they will need to pass, at the end of the tournament the pupil with the highest score wins for their school.
Elliot: Sounds pretty good.
Imogen: Sounds very “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” to me.
Mrs Conrad: There is more, the lowest scoring 5 competitors will be eliminated at the end of each task leaving 5 for the final challenge. Hence, because it has five schools in it, it is known as Pent, and add an I for no reason and you have Penti. The Present represents the prize at the end which is…
Mrs Conrad: 20 Million Pounds!
(School goes wild)
Jack: I'm singing up!
Florence: No I am!
Imogen: I think it's established everyone will sign their names.
Mrs Conrad: Here is the box, if you wish to enter your…
(Whole school has in two seconds)
Mrs Conrad: Okay so I figured you're all dying for money you cheap sakes.
Chaniqua: Just select us all already!
Mrs Conrad: Alright, I will select five competitors randomly.
Florence: Oh the suspense! (surprisingly she doesn't faint at this)
Mrs Conrad: The first one is…
Mrs Conrad: GEORGE ADMIN!
George: Whoa... I get selected! YES!
(He runs to the stage but before he can do that…)
(Everyone in the distance can see a Hit man in a car driving off).
Greg: GEORGE! (George collapses bleeding, Greg runs up to him)
Greg: GEORGE STAY WITH ME! GOD DAMMIT! STAY WITH ME!
George: Greg… it's you… I think… somebody wants you…in…this…tournament, which was why I…was shot…it…
(He passes out)
Lucy: SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!
(Ambulance arrives, George is carried away)
Lucy (to doctor): Will he live!? Tell me!
Doctor: We can't be sure.
Greg: Please tell us!
Doctor: Alright, you can come and visit him later, if he is still alive, If he is not, you will be informed.
Greg: Thank you doctor.
(Ambulance speeds off)
Florence: So this is what life is like when you're the audience.
Jack: Welcome to the masses, Florence.
Imogen: Greg! You do know who did this right?
Greg: I know who would get me into the tournament alright.
Imogen: Frank bloody Tibet, he hired the hit man.
Rhys: How could he? His in jail right?
Imogen: But some of his Crestor Crew will have been selected too.
Greg: Their probably going let some of his Black Crestor's outta jail to let them compete!
Imogen: GREG THAT'S IT! Frank's trying to kill you, by sending you into this tournament and the hit man's message was clear, Greg competes or more people get hurt.
Lucy: Oh dear, Greg he knows you're too kind and protective of your friends to turn this offer down, he expects you to volunteer in George's place!
Mrs Conrad: and now since one competitor has now been deemed unfit to compete, the offer is on for a none-random competitor to volunteer in their place, well any takers…
(The whole school is about to volunteer but then…)
Greg: (Hunger Games moment) I VOLUNTEER!
Mrs Conrad: First come, first severed now get onto the stage, Greg Winters.
Imogen: Greg you'll probably get hurt in this tournament! I mean from what I've seen the Black Crestor's can make a game of volleyball into a death match!
Greg: I know but it will save someone else's life, if Frank wants me, then he'll get my blonde ass, and there's still the chance I can win 20 million pounds.
(Greg goes onto stage)
Chantelle: Well how boring and obvious was that?
Chelsea: Well Greg had to be selected, or else the script would not have been able to have been written past this act.
Elliot: But the choice after this is purely random.
Ryan: I can still fucking compete in this!
Jaya: We all have our own motives for competing, now let the unbiased selection begin.
Mrs Conrad: Yes Greg Winters is the first competitor,no surprise there.
Greg: Say what?
Mrs Conrad: You heard you foolish child! Always in the centre of the action.
Greg: I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS!
Chelsea: You volunteered though.
Gordon: CHELSEA'S RIGHT! I mean yeah fam. She's right.
Aaron: Yes she has a point!
Greg: I only volunteered because...
Mrs Conrad: SILENCE! Now the second competitor selected is...
Mrs Conrad: GORDON HARRIS!
Gordon (thinking): I can be strong… (Reaches stage)
Mrs Conrad: This will be a very interesting bunch… okay the third selected is… (Longer Pause)
Mrs Conrad: IMOGEN ALDINGTON!
Chantelle: This is not fair.
(Imogen reaches the stage)
Mrs Conrad: So the main character, a complete and utter coward and my own daughter are entering this tournament, oh great who is next I wonder, and the fourth selected is.
(Even Longer Pause)
Mrs Conrad: ASIF SANJI!
Asif: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Nerds I will make you proud!
Thomas: We know you will!
Sanjay (sobbing): So-proud.
(He gets to the stage)
Mrs Conrad: Let's this over with, the final selected competitor is…
(Longest pause so far)
Mrs Conrad: ELLIOT JONAS!
Elliot: OH YES! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY OH YEAH I'VE BEEN SELECTED BITCHES!
Chelsea: (Clueless) IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! WOO! PARTY TIME!
Chantelle: This is a complete fix.
Mrs Conrad: Now that we have our five competitors it's time to explain some more rules.
Andrew: All year 11's get selected, coincidence? I think not.
Richard: I know right; what abouts the lower years, I mean like seriously's.
Mrs Conrad: The challenges set for your five, come with a high risk of death!
Imogen: Perfect, another day in the life.
Greg: Jesus watch over me.
Mrs Conrad: You can't win 20 million pounds in Mortdale, without a little risk.
Gordon: So do all the competitors who lose- d-die?
Mrs Conrad: No, there's still the chance you'll be knocked out. But expect great injury during the tasks.
Mrs Conrad: So that is all, tomorrow you'll meet the other 20 competitors and the first challenge is being organized right here at St. Amanda's and will occur on Wednesday, a massive crowd will be watching, no pressure (to Imogen) you better win. I want the money!
Imogen: Brilliant, no pressure on me at all.
Mrs Conrad: Well why are you all still standing around! Go home! Don't come back till Wednesday to view the First Challenge!
(Everyone begins to leave school)
Greg: Lucy come on, we have to visit George!
Lucy: Alright I'll come with.
Dean: (instantly) yeah me too.
Elliot: HA! Dean all you'll ever be is Lucy's stalking boyfriend, whereas... I WILL BECOME A MILLIONAIRE!
Dean: HA! At least I'm not in a contest where you have a chance of dying!
(This wipes the smile of Elliot's face)
Elliot: Damn it, I'll show him, I'll show everyone I'm the Penti-Present champion!
Imogen: See ya tomorrow Greg! (Greg leaves) how could have this happened? So much pressure on me, I need tactics, or maybe I can forfeit?
Mrs Conrad: Forfeit and I will kill you, you will compete.
Imogen: Yeah of course I will, I bet you fixed it for me to be selected.
Mrs Conrad: Greg was obviously going to be chosen and did you think I would miss out? of course I may have entered your name a little more than once, but you know you were still selected.
Imogen: Great now I'll die thanks Mum.
Mrs Conrad: Imogen snap out of it! And listen you won’t die! You will win! I will train you.
Rhys: I cannot believe you were selected Asif.
Asif: I know neither can I.
Thomas: I know as leader of the nerds all attention is on me, but now Asif its your time to shine.
Sanjay: Enjoy it.
Asif: Yes my brains will get me through this, they have too.
Jack: Yeah of course they will.
Florence: Well I'm going to try to keep acting normal, in front of the large crowds on Wednesday.
Jack (guffawing): Good luck.
Sarah: With all attention I will set up my Gingers for Justice campaign on the side-lines!
Jack (guffawing): Good luck.
Aaron: Well Gord, you're in for a chance to win, as long as you don't have them outbursts you'll be fine.
Gordon (sweating): Yeah I'll be, fine.
John: It's so fake and Gay I didn't get picked.
Ryan: John fam, stop complaining, well Chantelle babe you look happy.
Chantelle: These are gonna be like epic to watch!
Chaniqua: But didn't you say that when you weren't chosen.
Chantelle: Well I…
Chaniqua: You're only happy now because she didn't get picked into a contest where she won't die.
Ryan: That's it ay it! Ah that is well bad!
Chantelle: No it isn't though.
Chaniqua: Oh she's going red!
Chantelle: I am Bovvered?
Chantelle: But I am Bovvered though?
Aaron: But you were like…
Charamine (Lauren Cooper moment): I ain’t Bovvered either though.
Ryan: But Char, she is bovvered though, and you should be laughing at her!
Charmaine: Is my face Bovvered?
Chantelle: Mine ain't either.
Charmaine: Look at my face! Is my face Bovvered?
Charmaine: Face? Face Bovvered?
Charamaine: We Ay Bovvered!
Chaniqua: But you are though you’re family must be…
Chantelle: Calling my dad a pikey?
Ryan: What? no we day say that…
Charmaine: Calling her mum a gippo?
John: This is so fake and Gay.
Lauren and Chantelle: WE AY BOVVERED!
Aaron: Yeah but...
Charamine (Vicki Pollard mode) Yeah but no, but yeah, but no but yeah...
(Heavy silence follows this)
Chantelle (to Gordon): You're Bovvered.
Gordon: What… no…
Charmaine: Your face is Bovvered though.
Charmaine: Why is your face Bovvered?
Gordon: It's not…
Chantelle: Is it the tournament?
Gordon: (voice quivering) no.
Lauren: But it is though.
Gordon: No it's not…
Chantelle: Yeah it is though.
Gordon: STOP IT!
(Gordon stares at them in fury, and just when it looks like peace has been reached...)
Lauren: Oh my God but is it though?
Gordon: AHHHHHHHH! (Runs off, clutching his head in his hands)
(The rest of the gang look at the duo of Chantelle and Charmaine)
Chantelle and Charmaine: We ay bothered.