The Continuing Misadventures of a Telepathic Carpet Salesman

"Now, see, this rug is of great color. Amazing, may I say! It'll go great with those green walls of yours, plus it naturally repels pet hair. See, you and this carpet are a perfect match!" announced Harold emphatically. It was a lie; it was ALL a lie, but it was one that would sell the vomit-colored, cat-attracting carpet before him. He hadn't become the number one carpet salesman in the country for telling the truth all of the time.

The scruffy-looking man next to him seemed to believe the terrible lie, as he was nodding and wearing a huge grin. Not a rocket scientist, but then again, Harold already knew that. "I see! Well, Mister, looks like I'm gonna take this one! But one question first."

"Yes?" replied Harold, poised to explain away any problems with the ugly old thing. "What is it?"

"When did I tell you my walls were green?"

Well, perhaps Harold had underestimated the scruffy young man, as not many of his customers noticed those little slip-ups that he tended to make. Still, no matter. At least he hadn't commented on the smell emanating from his new carpet. "You told me earlier today, remember? I have a very good memory." This was not a lie. Harold had the memory of an elephant, and then some.

"Really? I did? Okay... well, thanks, I'll be taking the new rug, then!"

As another satisfied customer left the building, Harold let out a contented sigh. Sales were, as usual, amazing. Customers were, as usual, uninformed dolts. The telepathy, as usual, was as loud as ever. This in particular alerted Harold to the fact that a woman was approaching his store, her mind filled with thoughts of carpets and money and lunch. Harold could use some lunch.

But, as she entered the store, Harold realized that her face looked vaguely familiar. This was strange, because she, like him, looked to be in her mid-40's and he usually only paid attention to younger women. However, a feeling of dread crept up on him as a flaming thought arrived, fresh from the familiar woman's mind: I'm going to kill Harold...

Harold was in trouble. The woman was his ex-wife.

The End

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