June 22, 2018
Like looking through a foggy window….. That’s how my head feels Journal. Like everything in front of me is blurred and all I can think of is the past. Everything from the prison is coming back to me. I don’t want it but it just keeps coming regardless of what I want. It’s like all of the bad memories just want to be remembered. I don’t want to but they come time and time again. Like a never ceasing waterfall of despair. I feel so out casted. Something I know well. Once I had freedom to do what I wanted and the chance to start again, I get put back right where I came from. Back into my cell. Back into that feeling of being alone. And even though Shell is here, it’s like she isn’t even here. I feel like an island in the middle of a sea of hate. And the whole armada of the country is coming after us. We found more posters with our bounties and tore them down next to a truck stop we passed about 3 hours ago. Like that would help. Luckily the people there didn’t recognize us. I wonder if they just didn’t know. The whole time I kept my hand on my pistol. Ready to pull the trigger on any danger. It’s an instinct now. To pull the trigger. To kill somebody. It’s repulsive… but necessary. Nothing else happened today Journal. Nothing other besides target practice at a bottle of Jack we found lying on the side of the road. The road….. Barely even one. It isn’t even a road. It’s just the way we seem to be walking. If we find a map then that would be helpful…. We already lost the other map that Shell brought along. That was mostly my fault. We were attacked unexpectedly out here by 2 renegades. I was reading the map but I dropped it to shoot back at them. After they were dead and we took some of their provisions and ammunition we stole their vehicle. After we drove for about 30 minutes Shell asked for the map. That’s when I remembered I dropped it. I got hit of course. She hits with the strength of a freakin brick. But we ditched the buggy and here we are in this abandoned shack. It’s completely empty. A nice haven, but not safe. I will talk to you some other time Journal. Thank you once again for listening to me.