I couldn’t sleep that night. I tossed and turned and rolled but nothing would make me sleep. There was no reason for my insomnia. I was not dwelling on anything, nothing was wrong. I just couldn’t sleep.
I rolled out of the bed and threw on a t-shirt and jeans, along with a pair of runners. The corridors were empty and silent. Everyone else in the building was asleep. I came to the stairs and went up. Soon enough I was on the top floor. The corridor was lined with rooms just like the others; but at the end of the corridor, I could see a small stairs. When I reached it I saw that it led to a door. I went up and pushed the door open.
The cool night air greeted me as I stepped out onto the roof. It was a large open space; there were a couple of benches scattered about, and a railing ran the whole way around. I walked over and looked down over the edge. It was quite a drop. I could see the town lit up off in the distance. The sound of crickets greeted me as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
My eyes snapped open. I got a chill on my spine. It felt like someone was watching me. Slowly turning, I scanned the roof. And then I saw her. Alyssa was standing at the other side of the roof, staring across at me. She quickly looked away when I saw her.
“Hi” I said.
“Oh…Hi” she said. She shuffled her feet and continued to stare at the ground.
“I’m Logan” I said.
“I remember from earlier”, she looked up. “I’m Alyssa”.
“I remember” I smiled. She smiled back. I walked over and sat on one of the benches, patting the spot beside me. She didn’t move.
“I like Paradise Lost too” she said.
“So that was you who said nice choice?” She nodded and slowly walked over and sat down on the edge of the bench.
“You were funny today… in group… what you said about a cocktail. I liked that”.
“Oh” I smiled, “Thanks. I didn’t really want to tell everyone what’s wrong with me… but that pretty much sums it up”.
“I didn’t say what I have either”.
She looked me in the eyes for the first time. “I have minor social anxiety arising from PTSD… and I also have Bipolar disorder”.
“Really?” I asked. She nodded.
“I can’t talk in front of groups... and I get anxious around people I don’t know. My ex-boyfriend…the first time we slept together he… after we had finished he tied me down and fucked me again… and then he invited his two friends in to have a go. And yeah… the Bipolar is the other main reason I’m in here”.
“I am so sorry. That is awful! That is horrible”.
She sniffed. “Thanks. It happened almost two years ago now”.
There was something about her; I felt I could trust her. Something made me want to say what I said next.
“I have schizophrenia and depression. And last year I was diagnosed with Pyromania. And two weeks ago I was diagnosed with anti-social behaviour”.
“So you really are a cocktail”. I laughed.
“Yeah I guess I am”.
“Why were you diagnosed with anti-social behaviour? I-if you don’t mind me asking”.
“I don’t mind. I- eh I may have beaten up my best friend… and eh… attempted to burn him… and set fire to my girlfriend’s room in the process”.
“Why did you do that?” she shied slightly away from me.
“I walked in on them and he had his cock shoved inside her”. A tear came to the corner of my eye unbidden. “We had been together for nearly a year. I got angry… and the schizophrenia kinda took me over. I would never normally do that”.
“That’s horrible! What a bitch!” She slid closer again. “I’m sorry” she said, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder, and quickly withdrawing it again.
“The doctors don’t know that that is the reason for my outburst. Needless to say, she is now my ex-girlfriend… and he is no longer my best friend”.
“Of course” she said.
“And that is why I ended up in here. It was either jail, or receive treatment here”.
“I’m so sorry” she said again.
“Thanks”. I looked up into her eyes again. They were violet, like two windows looking out onto an evening sky. “You know you’re the first person in here I’ve told that too”.
“Really?” She asked.
“There is something about you”. I slid a little closer to her on the bench. “I felt like I should tell you”. She slid a little closer. We were staring into each other’s eyes. “You have the most beautiful eyes”. And then our lips were locked together. Her mouth was warm, her lips soft against my own. She bit down softly on my bottom lip, and then slid her tongue through into my mouth. Our tongues danced together for the briefest of moments, and then she was pulling away.
“I shouldn’t do this” she said.
“No no… It’s okay” I said.
“No… it’s not. It’s nothing to do with you. It’s just…”
“I’m leaving tomorrow”.
“My treatment is finished. I… I get to go home”.
“I don’t want to give you any hope where there is none”.
I turned away. “Yeah I understand”.
“No… It’s okay. Really”.
“I am sorry though”.
“I… I’d better go”. I said nothing in reply. There was silence for a moment. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “Goodbye Logan”. I listened as her footsteps walked away. The door creaked open and then swung shut again behind her as she walked out of my life.