Once upon a time there was a man who used a finger as a cigarette. He also smoked gas.
One day he went to post a dinner plate. The dinner plate letter was marked:

"Sir, Sir, yours sincerely,
27 Chopwood gardens,
Woods Estate,Chickenside,
Mincemeat Hill, Ilford.


When the postman opened the pillorbox the dinner plate flew at him and bit him on the head. he rushed to the nearest head repair shop to have his broken head repaired.
The Headtrician said:
"You, you can borrow my head until your head's repaired. It will take six months to mend your head and will cost you £57".

because the postman had to use the Headtrician's head the Headtrician had to wear a beachball where his head should be.
But, how could the head repairer eat and drink if he had no head?
The answer:
"His stomach."
His belly button made an ideal mouth.
At mealtimes he shoved his food into his belly button, and, ' when he drank he had to insert a drinking straw into his belly button or a catheter with a funnel on the end of his belly button.
After a few weeks the postman got back his real head.
The dinner plate that bit the postman got sent to a cats' restaurant in Sheepside, London, ECH.2, that is, in the hospital district of the city, not far fom Headneedle Street.
To get there you have to board the number 25.5 bus at ilford Scaldway. the bus goes along Bombford Road,through East Spam, Bratford Broadway, over Bow 'n' Arrow Bridge, past Bow 'n' Arrow Road Station, via Child End Station, through Brightchapel, past the Shower of London and into the city.
here, the dinner plate had to what it was told. if it kissed the table it would end up on the washing line.

The postman who got bitten on the head by the mad dinner plate said,
"Good riddance, that dinner plate has got what it deserved, by ending up in a cats' restaurant."

In the end a glass baby came in and ate the plate.[/b]

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