It's really a shame that I am a future-oriented person.  In my mind, the happenings of the present heavily influence my ideas of the future.  I've been accused of 'living' in the future too much and not paying attention to the present.

I happen to do this even more often in times of stress.

All because of one simple note, my mind is constantly producing future scenarios.  They plague my mind.  They worry me to death.  I hate all the 'what if's and the 'I wonder's.  They make it so hard to do what I need to do- move on.  And that's all I wanted in the first place- to move on.  I thought things would be easier after destroying our connection.  In a way, they are... but in another way, things have only become more difficult.  There is now a 0% chance of us.  I realize this.  And yet, I can't help but to think about what the future implications of this are...

I've been told I could find someone better... but really, the faults I had with her are almost non-existant.  How could I ever find someone like that again? It would not have been possible for me to do such a thing if I had not been as enraged as I was.  And truly, I was in a fury that non other had previously matched.

I have four years... four years to let go, four years to forget, four years to move on, four years to find someone.

So tell me, my son, what happens when those things don't happen in four years?

I shake my head and try not to think about it.  There's always that voice of reason in my mind that I imagine to be God's voice.  I imagine it's His because the voice usually speaks the truth. 

Would Jesus have done what you have?

No... definitely not.  Jesus would never harm anyone like that, regardless of the reason.  But I needed to do this to force myself to let go.

Then I remembered a verse.

"Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses.

The End

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