Two friends say goodbye at the railway station for both there will be pain .
The station was busy, people arriving and departing. It was a modern station all glass and chrome bright and airy. A clone, it was the same as many other stations they had been in, soulless and characterless, sterile. Filled with trendy franchised cafes, tie emporiums and the obligatory stationers selling newspapers, magazines books and confectionary so that travellers would have something to do on their journey, the place could have been anywhere in the country.
In the midst of people hurrying here and there two figures stood looking at each other. They had had a good time but now it was time to part, to go their separate ways, as they had done before, but this time was different. This would be their last goodbye, the final time they would see each other, talk to each other. Only one of them knew this, the knowledge weighed heavy on her, she was silent withdrawn, frightened of giving anything away. She hated the secrecy but didn't want to be drawn in to a conversation, he could so easily persuade her to change her mind. He knew all her weaknesses and could easily manipulate her, and she would crumble, give in and the dance they had been doing for so long now would continue, but she knew that was futile, it had to end for both their sakes.
Considering how much they talked their meetings and goodbyes were always nervous strained. She never wanted to leave, hated having to let him go, even when she knew they would see each other again soon she felt the wrench of his leaving. What she wanted was for him to hold her and not let go, not leave but stay. Of course that was never going to happen, she knew that. She stood silent, shaking inside, wanting the curl up and die, wanting this to be over so she could hide in a hole and grieve for the loss of a friend. She stared steadfastly at this chest not wanting to meet his gaze and his beautiful, to her at least, sad eyes. She loved his eyes. The tannoy startled her and she almost missed the announcement of the platform, but he said.
"Isn't that you?"
Her heart broke and she fought to hold on, not to let the surge of tears building with in her break through. Part of her wished he hadn't heard the announcement and that they would both stand there in that one instant before the world came to an end, forever. But that was silly, this needed to end she couldn't go on knowing how she felt about him and knowing he didn't feel the same. The rejection, no matter how gently it was done was too much to bear. He had not wanted to let the friendship go but felt nothing more than that, she loved him and had struggled to hold the feelings back and was being slowly crippled by the pain.
She said nothing her throat paralysed with emotion, and nodded her head. He moved forward to hug her, she instinctively backed away. No, no she couldn't cope with that. She felt his gaze upon her. Looking up in to his eyes at last she saw hurt, confusion, anger. He beckoned for her to step forward his arms held wide in anticipation. Tearing her eyes from his she stared at the ground and said quickly, quietly.
So quietly it was almost inaudible, almost lost in the hum of the sounds of the station around them. But not quiet enough the hide the slight crack in her voice as she said it. She felt his gaze intensify, and heard him the questioning before he even uttered it.
She didn't hear him finish the question, she turned from him and walked quickly away, her eyes glistening from the tears she was struggling, desperately now to hold back. She heard him call her name, a thousand questions, held within it, and for an instant she was tempted to stop, turn and go back to him, but she knew that would just put this inevitable parting off for a while longer. She continued walking but upon hearing him call her name the tears she had been holding back breached the dam and rolled silently down her face.
She walked down the platform knowing he would not follow, that wasn't his way, and besides he had his own train to catch, but he wouldn't leave it there she knew. The phone in her pocket vibrated insistently, that would be him wanting his answers. She walked until she found a bench sat took the phone out of her pocket and stared at his name on the screen, she could just delete it. Guilt washed over here, he deserved some kind of explanation didn't he? She opened the message.
"What the hell is going on????????????"
As she read it she could hear his voice, questioning, accusing, angry, hurt.
She tapped the reply in to the phone.
"Goodbye. Have a good life, goodbye"
and sent it on its way.
The phone vibrated again more insistently
"What? you mean goodbye, for good? Never to talk again, why, you're my friend WHY?????????"
She typed the reply; it took longer her hands were shaking, and her eyes blurred by tears.
"Because I love you but you don't love me"
She pushed the button.
The phone buzzed again
"I thought we had dealt with this. You know you are my best friend, you can't go. I'm sorry I don't feel the same but you can't go. We need to talk about this, don't make any decision until we have had time to talk about it."
She sat staring at the screen. This was what she didn't want if they talked he would talk her out of it, and the pain of wanting would go on. Finally, she began to tap the message in to the phone.
"No!! No more talking. I LOVE YOU, GOODBYE"
She knew this was the final message she would send. The phone buzzed another message received she deleted it without even opening it. Some minutes later the phone began to ring, his name lit up the screen, what she wouldn't give to hear his voice again, but that would prolong the pain. She switched of the phone, took out her mp3 player plugged in the head phones and sat staring red eyed at the side of the train waiting for the doors to open.