Chapter 62: Inner PeaceMature

Suzy wasn't interested in the dead man; as far as she was concerned he had got exactly what he had deserved and, as she looked down at the small child in her arms, so had she. The beautiful creature had forgiven her at such a simple cost - the hug of a mother.

"Hey," she said. "I have something to say."

"Not trying to be mean Suzy, but this is slightly more important."

"But it's not." Her voice was drowned out by the others worrying about what to do. As Rosie just crumbled on the floor, Lollie hugged Sophie, smiling at Finn and Bev looked at the body, trying to close his eyes. All Rosie seemed capable of saying was 'not again'.

"But this is really important." Suzy raised her voice, hoping that the others would listen.

"Where's Christina?" it was Lollie's concerned voice. "I thought I told you lot to stick together."

"Bad news on that front, Lollie. She's gone."

"Where did she go?"

Beverly lowered her head. "Up in a puff of smoke." When she saw Lollie's look of utter horror and confusion, she went to explain but was cut short.

"Just shut up!"

They all turned to Suzy who was shaking.

"A long time ago, something horrible happened to me. Something that haunts me to this very day. He got away with it. He got what he wanted and I got left with a baby."

"Suzy, we don't want to hear your life story!" It was Beverly, the sharpness in her voice something that Suzy had never expected from her.

"Just listen Beverly because I think deep down in you there's a story that's like this. I was ashamed. I had just been used and I couldn't take it. I just felt so dirty."

"You don't need to say it." Lollie's comforting tones and sympathetic smile meant a lot to her, but she shook the meaning off, pushing through the mental block that had stopped her saying anything before.

"But I do and you know it. That's right isn't it? To move on, to be happy again, I have to say it. To repent for my sins."

"What you did wasn't wrong." Rosie granted the crying girl a coherent sentence before dealing with the main issue that she faced, wishing that she could help Suzy more.

"I might have had the law on my side but I still didn't have the right. He deserved better. When I... passed over, he came back to me. I thought that it might want to hurt me but it didn't. Not really. It just wanted to be born, to have a normal life."

"So you..."

"Let me say it. I had an abortion. I took a life. An innocent, defenceless creature that was mine. I should have been loving it. It made me feel empty. But now, it's better."

Suzy smiled behind her tears and, wiping the hair from her face, she looked down at her child, her little boy. She kissed him on the forehead and whispered to him "I'm here now darling. Mummy's here."

Her tears started to drop, hitting the floor and for a second, Lollie thought that they were the tears of a living person, leaving the dirt damp beneath them.

Then she just disappeared. She had gone, moved on. But just for a second, that smile, that wonderous infectious smile, lingered in the air, infecting them all.

The End

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